A Loser Like Nobody Has Ever Seen Before

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJun 3, 2024


Trump had a lousy weekend. He found out he can’t travel to 37 countries because they don’t let convicted felons in. Mexico is one of them. The Scots are happy that Trump can’t golf at his Scottish course anymore. He found out he will have to report to a probation officer regularly in New York where everybody hates his guts. He found out he can’t own a gun. He found out he can’t vote. He found out he’ll have to get a mental health evaluation when he gets processed and one of the questions he’ll be asked is “Do you have social media?”

Republicans have fallen in line — the trial was rigged and done for political reasons. Marco Rubio posted: “Our current President is a demented man propped up by wicked & deranged people willing to destroy our country to remain in power. It’s time to fight fire with fire.”

Remember what Marco was like before he crawled into bed with the “You’re fired” guy? He’s MAGA now. He threw it all away to play with fire.

Indicted insurrectionist Jeff Clark says “brave DAs” must partner with right-wing legal groups to prosecute Democrats now for conspiracy to deprive Trump of his civil rights, then after Trump wins the new DOJ will indict all of them.

Fox tried to help Trump out by doing a safe and cozy interview over the weekend but it didn’t help. He said some wild stuff. He claims now that he never said “Lock her up” when talking about Hillary. A pretty pathetic attempt to keep people from chanting “Lock him up!” wherever he goes from now on. He said he supports climate change and rising sea levels now because it “means basically you have a little more beachfront property.”

MAGAs are saying that Jesus was convicted and they still follow him.

Jack Smith asked Judge Aileen Cannon, AGAIN, to gag Trump to stop him from making statements that would endanger law enforcement in the classified docs case. She denied his first request on a technical matter. Like the motion before, this new motion is based on Trump’s lie that FBI agents were planning on assassinating him during the 2022 Mar-a-Lago raid.

Pride month has begun. Oh please oh please oh please will somebody sneak onto Alito’s property and plant a Pride flag in their flag pole?

Hunter Biden’s felony gun trial starts today. His mom, Jill Biden, showed up unannounced to support her son in the courtroom. If convicted can he still run for president?

Poor Dr. Fauci has been dragged back to Capitol Hill to be humiliated and insulted by Republicans again in another useless, performative “investigation.” The MAGAs are at it again. Marjorie Taylor Greene refused to refer to him as “doctor” and said he belonged in prison. Jamie Raskin apologized for his idiot colleagues because they were treating him as if he were a convicted felon. Then he said he probably wishes they treated him like a convicted felon because they treat convicted felons with love, adoration, and worship. Jared Moskowitz referred to Marjorie Taylor Greene as one who doesn’t recognize science. He said most Americans don’t think she represents Congress.

Trump is on TikTok now. He’ll regret that fast enough. The TikTok kids will make him cry and then troll him in ways like nobody has ever seen before……



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.