Trump is in Japan and refuses to sit on the floor with his legs crossed as is the custom. He’s too fat and lazy. America is holding its breath hoping he won’t slap the prime minister’s wife on the ass, pick his nose and wipe it on a wall, or brag about how his bombs are bigger than Harry Truman’s bombs while he’s there.

Jon Voight made a video saying that Trump is the best president since Lincoln. People say, who the hell is Jon Voight? He’s Angelina Jolie’s estranged father, the previous owner of George Costanza’s Chrysler LeBaron, and a member of the Crazy Washed Up Republican Actors for Trump along with James Woods (who got kicked off of Twitter because he’s such a pig) and Kid Rock (not an actor? Oh yes he is.)

“I like Jon Voight as an actor. He might be the greatest actor since John Wilkes Booth.” — Albert Brooks

Maggie Haberman wrote a puff piece on Hope Hicks (puff as in “Powder that pretty nose!”) for the New York Times. The story is about her blowing off a congressional subpoena. Since when did people start ignoring subpoenas? Since the reality TV president was installed. Everybody defying subpoenas are mere members of the cast of The White House Apprentice. Hair, makeup, star treatment and photo shoot with the New York Times to announce the next episode of Trump’s made for TV show.

Trump told the head of the US Army Corps of Engineers to award a border wall contract to a construction firm whose top executive is a GOP donor.

The Director of US Citizenship and Immigration Services has resigned because Trump told him to.

Trump sided with the Russian dictator over US Intelligence and the North Korean dictator over insulting former vice president and US senator Joe Biden.

On the same day that the DOJ indicted Julian Assange for publishing classified information and putting confidential sources in danger by outing their identities, Trump gave his attorney general the power to declassify material and reveal the names of confidential sources because that’s what the dictators of Russia and North Korea would do.

Trump has single handedly destroyed the US soybean market. China buys soybeans elsewhere now. Farmers have received $28 billion in bailouts. Farmers are the new welfare queens.

Trump has sent more troops to the Middle East. Over 70 retired military leaders have signed on to a letter urging Trump not to start a war with Iran.

It’s Memorial Day tomorrow. I somber day in which we take the day off to remember and honor those who gave their lives in service to this country. The very country that Trump is destroying and mocking. A country in which he rose to power with the help of a foreign hostile power (a country he is more loyal to than his own.) A country who he has done indelible harm to by appointing and hiring traitors to run it into the ground. A country where he uses the military as a prop, a toy, a way to distract public attention away from his crimes…….a military that he is weakening and undermining by defending and pardoning war criminals on Memorial Day.

He’s pardoning war criminals for Memorial Day as a publicity stunt. He’s defending his plans by saying that they have been “treated unfairly.”

If America had a dollar for every time Trump said that he or another criminal has been treated unfairly we’d be able to pay for the $28 billion hand out that he gave the farmers for ruining their livelihood because of his stupid trade war with China.

“Not a day passes that I don’t reflect on how troubled my country has become that a cruel and malignant demagogue, a man with a history of corruption and criminality and bankruptcy, was the preferred choice of over 62 million Americans” — Steven Beschloss

Farmers were part of the 62 million.

Christian lunatics are blaming a tornado in Missouri on the Democrats. They say that liberals made it happen in retaliation for the abortion ban.

What’s the next distraction? a) Trump wants to put his face and name on all US currency b) Trump starts a war with Tibet c) Trump is caught on camera slapping the Japanese Prime Minister’s wife on the ass and saying, “No I didn’t.”

After this is all over, will we see the Age of Reason Part II where the Republican party and American evangelism are DEAD and common sense, fact based policy, science and basic human decency prevail?

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.

For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.