Al Bundy With A Plane

Spike Dolomite
3 min readFeb 20, 2024

Yesterday was Presidents Day and instead of keeping the House in session to vote on aid for two allies who are at war, Speaker Mike Johnson spent the day at Mar-a-Lago, kissing up to the one of the most dangerous men in the world.

Trump finally acknowledged the murder of Alexei Navalny without condemning Putin. He called it a reflection of how bad things are in America and then he moved on to talking about himself.

Twitter suspended the account of Alexei Navalny’s widow the day after she created it. 90,000 people followed her in less than 24 hours.

154 presidential historians were surveyed to rank US presidents and Trump came in at #46. Oklahoma Superintendent of Public Instruction and former Oklahoma Secretary of Education, Ryan Walters, got really mad about that. He thinks they’re wrong. He blames leftist woke college professors who tell students that all conservative presidents were bad and all liberals were good. He says he will make sure that the children of Oklahoma, who are already getting a crappy education (Oklahoma ranks #44) know how great “President Trump” is.

Biden was ranked #14.

Ryan Walters didn’t mention the 16 year old who was just beaten to death by 3 students in a school bathroom. Nobody mentions it in Oklahoma. The student, Nex Benedict was a member of the LGBTQ community. The school didn’t call an ambulance even though Nex couldn’t get up. Cops say they don’t know if Nex died from having their head pounded on the floor multiple times or if it was from natural causes.

The 7 year old boy that was shot in Joel Osteen’s church last week was shot in the head by his security guards.

The Kansas City shooters have been identified. They were 2 kids. They shot 22 people, half of them kids. One person died, a mom with 2 kids.

A school in Florida made the news for making kids get permission slips to participate in a Black author visit.

The Alabama Supreme Court has ruled that frozen embryos are people because it says so in the Bible. It made no legal arguments in its ruling, only biblical ones. Now zygotes can marry corporations in Alabama.

Trump’s shoes sold out. The economy must be good if people can afford $399 for shoes.

Trump is a shoe salesman like Al Bundy. Trump is Al Bundy with his own plane.

Senators Mike Lee and Ted Cruz, both of whom were part of the insurrection but haven’t been indicted yet, are demanding a trial to convict impeached Secretary of Homeland Security, Alejandro Mayorkas. Why? a) they just want media attention for themselves, b) they want to keep the border in the headlines, c) they don’t like that an immigrant is in charge of immigrants, d) all of the above.

South Carolina senators Tim Scott and Lindsey Graham are doing their part to keep the border in the headlines by going to the border for a united, ebony and ivory, photo op. They stood in front of a chain link fence, smiling, looking relaxed in their freshly pressed khakis and flannel shirts, buttoned to the top, collars up, in their shiny shoes atop of dust and dirt. Here are some of the comments from people who saw the picture:

“I can’t be racist, I have a black friend.”

“I remember reading a quote once about workplaces instituting casual Friday and someone called it ‘Dorky Dockers Friday’. This is that.”

“What is everyone looking at?”

“They couldn’t even find any immigrants to be in the photo op.”

“Are they holding hands? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.