All in the Family

Spike Dolomite
3 min readAug 19, 2022

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A federal magistrate judge has OK’d the partial release of the second affidavit ordered by the DOJ that justifies the FBI search of Mar-a-Lago. The release will include redactions to safeguard delicate information to protect the investigation and anybody that divulged information about the whereabouts of the evidence. Ever since the judge approved the first FBI warrant he and his family have become the target of violent threats from MAGAs and internet trolls seeking to discredit and intimidate him. The FBI has been targeted too.

A search warrant has 3 parts: the affidavit (the crime is _______ and it was conducted at_______, we want to seize __________because ________), the warrant (the judge’s order — what’s allowed to be searched and taken), and the returns (a list of what agents removed). The press wants the affidavit for obvious reasons — to find out what’s going on so they can report out, but Trump wants it for revenge. He has been cornered and is lashing out. He wants to fuck up the investigation and put informants, witnesses and law enforcement in danger. He doesn’t care who gets hurt or killed, as long as it’s somebody.

The DOJ has been crossing its t’s and dotting its i’s multiple times because it must proceed as if everything they do will be scrutinized by the Supreme Court.

If there ever was a time in Trump’s life that he needed the best of the best legal advisors, it’s now, but nobody will take this case. He’s stuck with scrappy goofballs to represent him.

Trump’s former personal attorney (who went to jail for Trump), Michael Cohen, predicts that Jared Kushner is the FBI informant because he’s “family” and would know where the docs were plus he’s just as ruthless as Trump. He’d rat Trump out to get a deal on his own crimes plus he has no fondness or respect for his father in law, because like Trump, he has no fondness or respect for anyone. All he cares about is money and covering his own ass. It’s the Trump family way.

Speaking of the Trump family, Ivanka is hanging really low so she doesn’t run into the press. Junior has been pushed aside (the story of his life) and is ranting on social media, wasted out of his mind, and Eric is going on all of the right wing “news” shows to talk about how great his father is and how his family has suffered injustices like nobody else in the history of the world.

Allen Weisselberg, who just pleaded guilty to committing tax crimes on behalf of the Trump Organization, is the only CFO Trump has ever had. His job was to come up with money on paper that didn’t exist. He will testify against the Trump Organization in October. Since his crimes were fixing it so Trump didn’t have to pay taxes, does that mean that he’ll testify in federal court, too? Is that why he got such a sweet deal and will end up probably serving only 100 days? A lot of people are very nervous right now besides Trump because the Trump Organization is actually just a small, family run business that they have successfully tricked everybody into believing was some kind of commercial empire. His whole family in is on the grift — his three kids, plus everybody else that makes up the Trump Crime Family.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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