Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

Spike Dolomite
3 min readSep 19, 2020

RBG is gone and we’re all fucked. No two ways about it. Wait, here’s two ways! Vote and vote!

Look at the bright side — Trump’s first term was actually a year less because he was golfing for the equivalent of one year. Things could be worse!

Here’s a couple of things people are doing to make things better (we’re not all pieces of shit):

Trevor Noah has been personally covering his employees’ salaries because he respects his crew and feels it’s only right that they get through this shit together.

A tree service in Long Island New York, Xterra Tree Service, lifted a woman up in their cherry picker so she could talk to her elderly mother outside her window of the nursing home.

A teacher in Connecticut took in her student’s newborn baby brother to care for while the rest of family recovered from the coronavirus.

Dodger Stadium will be open for 5 days so people can vote. Right now its open for coronavirus testing.

Jeff Bezos’s ex-wife, MacKenzie Scott, has given $1.7 billion away — $586.7 million to racial equity, $46 million to LGBTQ equity, $133 million to gender equity, $399.5 million to economic mobility, $55 million to empathy and bridging divides, $72 million to functional democracy, $128.3 million to public health, $130 million to global development, and $125 million to climate change.

The band “Lady Antebellum” dropped “Antebellum” from their name due to the slavery connotation. The Dixie Chicks did the same by dropping Dixie. Now they’re The Chicks.

2 million more people have registered to vote in Texas. A literal blue wave is forming to drown out the Republicans.

Anita Hill vows to vote for Joe Biden and will work with him on gender issues. Long before the Me Too Movement there was the Me Alone Movement and Joe Biden wasn’t much support. He has evolved.

Old Navy will pay store employees for 8 hours to volunteer as poll workers for the 2020 election.

MTV, Comedy Central and VH1 announced they will be paying off $250,000 of fines to help formerly incarcerated Floridians vote.

Rosalynn and Jimmy Carter, both in their 90s and using canes, are still out there renovating houses for families in need in their hometown of Plains, Georgia.

White haired, grey haired, blue haired and no haired Democrats have taken on the MAGAs at the infamous Villages in Palm Beach and are holding their own golf cart parades for Joe Biden.

The superintendent of schools in Des Moines, Iowa has defied the governor’s order to open schools by saying NOPE. Not on my watch.

Parents have found a new mantra — “If you don’t do well in school, think for yourself, hang out with the right crowd, do right by your self, family and community, you could grow up to be president of the United States.”

If Dems take the Senate they can expand the Supreme Court by adding 2 more justices.

“Just as America reinvented itself after the Great Depression, this crisis could lead to something better. The age of excessive individualism and competition could come to an end, and we could inaugurate a new age of solidarity and connection.” — Rutger Bregman

Trump has man boobs.

“Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best

Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing

Always look on the bright side of life
(Come on)
Always look on the right side of life

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it’s your last…”- Monty Python



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.