American Middle School

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 16, 2021

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1 in 500 Americans have died from covid and the Republicans are acting as if it’s just the common cold because their voters still believe it’s just the common cold.

Tennessee has taken the lead for the most covid cases — 1 out of 80 people are sick.

Hospitals in Alaska are having to ration care. Doctors are begging Alaskans to get their shit together.

Morality question: Now that we’re having to ration care because the public health crisis has become a pandemic of the unvaccinated and hospitals are again at capacity, who should be turned away? People who have been mauled by bears or hunted down and shot by other humans, or the beloved retired teacher who received teacher of the year award every year for 40 years, or the willfully ignorant who took horse dewormer for the common cold who never got vaccinated?

Idiot MAGAs will take anything but the vaccine.

When it comes to finally realizing that covid is very serious and not the common cold, there are 4 stages of denial for the willfully ignorant: 1) Covid is a government hoax 2) Anybody who wears a mask is a sheep 3) Uh oh. 4) Please donate to my GoFundMe.

Governor Death Sentence of Florida is going to fine government agencies $5,000 if they require the vaccine and is telling business owners not to ask employees if they’re vaccinated or risk being fined too. He says Biden should follow his lead on covid and keep the government out of it except for fining people who don’t do what he says.

Governor Kay Ivey of Alabama, who blamed the unvaccinated in her state for covid being so out of control is now back to being against vaccine mandates.

Fox News has very strict covid mandates for all employees even though that’s not what their selling on their entertainment network. They shot their wad and took the government hoax thing too far and now regret killing off their audience so their finally telling their sheep one true thing — if they’re not vaccinated, they are 11 times more likely to die from covid.

1/3 of Americans believe, thanks in great part to Fox News, in conspiracy theories about covid. The same number of people who worship Trump and always will. The same amount of people who don’t believe in vaccines, or wearing masks, or that climate change is here, or that elections aren’t rigged. The same ratio to recall a Democratic governor in a blue state over nothing and cheer on deadly force used to overthrow the government. There’s a pattern. 30% of the country is dumber than shit.

The anti-vaxxers who survive will end up hoping we all forget about them one day like we did the Y2K conspiracy theorists who really did believe that the world would end at midnight on December 31, 1999. We’re not going to forget. It’s one thing to be gullible enough to think the world will collapse because computers won’t know what day it is, it’s another to be so gullible and selfish that you get people killed.

As if it wasn’t shocking enough to find out, after Trump was elected, that people we thought we knew were really racist, cruel, not as smart as we thought they were, and would vote for Trump again in a Edgar Allen Poe heartbeat, but now we have to contend with knowing that these people won’t ever get vaccinated which means covid won’t ever go away. Out and proud mean people and covid are here to stay unless covid kills them.

Fortunately for the rest of us, 2/3 of the country isn’t that stupid, or selfish, or dangerous. They’re still trying to stay fit so they’ll be counted as one of the fittest to survive.

“Dear Trump Supporters — When you finally contract Covid. Or the police kill someone you love. Or you lose your healthcare. Just remember we fought just as much for the rights of YOU and YOUR family as we did for US & OUR family. And you fought hard against us the whole time.” — Rutherford Purple Hayes

Republicans aren’t going to set things right. They’ll keep on doing one thing and saying and another, including that Joe Biden getting tough on their unfit voters is uncalled for. He could eliminate covid, the national debt, get rid of the homeless, and give every American a new gun and the Republiqans would still say he sucks.

Trump, the Republiqans and covid turned the country into one big middle school where a third of the student body is mean, dumb and will never graduate and the other 2/3 just want to get good grades, grow up and get a life.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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