American Snapshot

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 31, 2024

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Snapshot of America and guns:

-In two weeks it will be the 6th anniversary of the school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. To celebrate, the Republicans in the state house want to roll back the Marjory Stoneman Douglas Act that passed after the shooting which legislated waiting periods and age restrictions for gun purchases.

- Nearly 30,000 firearms have been stolen from cars since Republicans in Tennessee started making gun laws looser in 2013. In 2022 alone, 5,500 guns were ripped off from gun nuts who leave their guns in their cars (they most likely keep some for the house in addition to the one they wear in a holster so they can shoot from the hip whenever an immigrant, feminist or Democrat gets in their face). The guy that put the loose laws in motion is assembly member Jeremy Faison, the chair of the Republican caucus. When asked about these statistics he said, “Freedom comes with danger. We put the power in the hands of the people.” Power means guns to the Republicans. It means votes to the Democrats. The bill he sponsored led to more guns and more deaths. In 2013, only 46 guns had been stolen in the entire state. Three years later, 2,000 guns were stolen. The next year 4,000 guns were stolen. It goes up every year. Crimes with guns have gone up too. In 2013 there were 10,000 crimes conducted with firearms. In 2021, there were 23,000. Aggravated assaults went from 8,600 to 21,000. Murders went from 223 to 600, concluding that more guns result in more crimes and more deaths. The only remedy to get this under control is to vote for Democrats.

- Two brothers in New York City have been indicted for making a bunch of 3D-printed semiautomatic rifles and other guns. The cops found two loaded AR-15-style ghost guns, each with detachable magazines; a partially-constructed bomb trip-wire; four loaded 9mm semiautomatic ghost gun pistols, two of them 3D-printed; one AK-47-style ghost gun assault rifle and more than 600 rounds of ammunition. They had an extensive hit list of celebrities, police, judges and politicians that they wanted to kill. They were indicted on 130 criminal charges. The cops evicted the entire building on 36th Avenue because it was opposite a power plant so they could get rid of the explosives. New York has strict gun laws. To get around them, these guys made their own guns. Because of the strict laws, these guys are going to jail.

- A 6-year-old girl was fatally shot in Dallas while her mom was away making funeral arrangements for her teenage son who had also been shot and killed in a separate shooting.

- The Sacramento County Sheriff’s Office arrested a 10 year old on a murder charge for shooting another 10 year old. The shooter got ahold of the gun from his dad’s car while he was looking for cigarettes. California’s gun laws are so strict that a 10 year old can be charged with murder.

Snapshot of America and stupidity:

- The far right has come up with a new conspiracy theory. Pop star Taylor Swift and her boyfriend NFL star, Travis Kelce, are conspiring to rig the Super Bowl and thus the presidential election. They’re talking about it a lot on TV and social media. There is a lot of interest in this ridiculous theory. All of the people who supposedly stopped watching football after Colin Kaepernick took a knee to protest police killing Black people all of a sudden have something about Taylor Swift sitting on Travis Kelce’s knee. Trump says he’s more popular than Taylor Swift. Trump and the right wingers taking Taylor Swift on is going to backfire big time. Her fans love her so much. If right wingers keep it up they’ll rise up. But they won’t attack the Capitol. They’ll vote. Hey right wing wackos! Hi, it’s you. You’re the problem, it’s you.

- The new chair of the Florida GOP, Evan Power, has a DUI charge from 2018 that the GOP will now have to contend with. He got arrested for drunk driving while carrying a loaded weapon and bars of silver in his car and there is police video to prove it. He admitted that things wouldn’t end well for him and the cops took him to jail.

- Trump endorsed Ronny “Doc” Jackson after the Washington Post reported that he was a drug dealer in the White House.

- Elmo went on Twitter and asked how everybody was doing. The few users who haven’t deleted their accounts yet said they weren’t doing well.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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