And the Winner Is

Spike Dolomite
5 min readJun 16, 2021

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MAGAs and QAnon weirdos have just earned ANOTHER idiot award for being the dumbest people in the world after falling for a scam where they bought fake tickets to Trump’s second inauguration in August.

How could anybody be this dumb and how is it possible that they keep getting dumber? These guys make the Tea Party look like thinkers.

Think about it. The Tea Party were tools used by right wing billionaires and millionaires to be their soldiers on the front lines. They were too dumb to know they had been duped into fighting for the rich’s cause but every now and then they’d actually make sense and then smart people would feel sorry for them. Once dark money and the Republicans realized how easy it was to win them over, they upped their winning strategy of appealing to the dumbest, laziest Americans’ worst instincts and thus, the MAGAs were born who then begat the QAnon weirdos and now here we are, helplessly watching these dim wits continuously get participation trophies for being the most racist, most crass, most sexist, most homophobic, most under educated, and most entitled freaks in the world.

Think back to Hillary’s emails. Smart people could never understand why “her emails” ever became such a thing and why so many people were coerced into believing that that was a big scandal when it was nothing. Smart people get it now. They also get now how easy it was to dupe millions of people. IT WAS AWARD WINNING EASY. It doesn’t take much to scam the scammable. And then there was Benghazi — 2 years, 33 hearings, a waste of $7 million. All for nothing, but the Republicans had the dim wits convinced it was something and that made them feel smart. Take a bow, repugs. You win for being the most despicable losers in American history.

It isn’t hard to understand why dumb ass people keep voting for Republicans when you see the Catholic Church still going strong even though pedophile priests are everywhere and so many people were molested and raped as kids and that there are personal injury attorneys specializing in suing the church by advertising on TV. The power of belief.

White supremacist and Christian, Lisa Zohner from St Louis, Missouri went off on an African American employee at Ross Dress for Less, calling her monkey and nigger. Was she trying to use a coupon that expired a year ago or return a shirt she had already worn? Nobody can tell from the video that went viral but she did end up getting the shittiest Karen award. Lisa Zohner’s boss should fire her after seeing that video but since it’s Missouri she’ll probably get promoted……to manager.

Reality TV and Trump have made acting like hateful, ignorant, selfish, racist a-holes cool now. “Everybody” is doing it. The ultimate losers finally feel like winners.

Speaking of losers who think of themselves as winners, bi-political Krysten Sinema blew off a dinner for female senators from both sides of the aisle at the Naval Observatory hosted by Kamala Harris because blowing her responsibilities off as a US senator is the only thing she’s really, really good at. Both she and Joe Manchin blew off a lunch for Democratic senators where Texas Democrats spoke about how critical it is to pass the For the People Act. Joe Manchin was once a Secretary of State and he has been in politics for 4 decades. He’s a player. He knows what’s at stake and doesn’t believe that some Republicans will eventually come around. He doesn’t want the voting rights bill to pass for the same reason that the Republicans don’t. If it passes, there go their meal tickets, fast passes, and fake awards. Passing the act would mean the end of their big, giant super PAC donations from millionaires and billionaires who win by buying. The For The People Act is popular with the public and Democrats but not Republicans and Democrat in Name Only Joe Manchin because it gets rid of dark money by changing campaign finance laws and putting an end to Republicans choosing their voters by letting them draw gerrymandered congressional maps. It also makes it easier to vote by making all of the restrictions that Republicans are trying to pass in 47 states illegal, and makes Election Day a national holiday so it’s really convenient for everybody to vote. Republicans will vote against it because they’ll lose power if it passes. In order for Republicans to win, The People must lose.

The Senate is voting on the For the People Act in 5 days. If it passes, Republicans wouldn’t be able to cheat in the 2022 election. They can’t win if they don’t cheat so pressure needs to be put on Sinema and Manchin to quit playing games and act like Democrats. Stacey Abrams has created a campaign called, “Hot Call Summer” where she wants everybody to call both of their senators every day for the next 5 days and tell them to vote yes on the For the People Act. It’s super simple. Just call 888–453–3211 and key in your zip code. You will automatically be transferred to one senator. Voice your support then hang up and dial again. You’ll be automatically transferred to the other senator. Do it every day for 5 days. Put your pressure on your senators to put pressure on their shitty colleagues.

America hit 600,000 covid deaths — the most in the world. That’s as many people who die from cancer every year. Not only does America win for the most covid deaths, but it also wins for having the most ignorant, lazy, arrogant, self centered people in the world. Americans keep dying, even with the vaccine, because too many stupid people are refusing to get vaccinated.

Republicans have not only insulted the Capitol Police by not honoring them for protecting them on January 6 and then voting no on investigating the attack, but now these poor traumatized victims of Republican led violence are expected to give tours to the defense lawyers representing the terrorists who tried to kill them. Court order. These poor public servants can’t win.

Passing the For the People Act is a win-win. Democracy will be saved and the Republicans will LOSE.

Call your senators.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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