Animal House

The GOP clown car pulled up to the Capitol and out popped Shakes the Alcoholic Clown Matt Gaetz followed by buffoons from the Freedom Caucus AKA Delta Tau Chi House, all pumped up and ready to storm a congressional hearing in progress as if they were crashing a rival frat party. 30 repugs stormed the SCIF, a special secure facility designed to prevent electronic eavesdropping so members of Congress can receive highly classified information. That means no cell phones or electronic devices of any kind. It’s a rule. And a good one. We don’t want Russia listening in on meetings in there. Bluto, Otter, Boon and Flounder stood before the media and proudly displayed their phones and chanted, “Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!” before bombarding the hearing in progress. They put on quite a show and made absolute fools of themselves, delaying the proceedings by 5 hours. After they left, the room had to be fumigated to get rid of the stench of frat boy beer sweat and scanned for any security breaches that could have put our national security at risk. One third of the idiots who crashed the hearing could have attended anyway because they’re members of the committees. Those boys are dumber than an empty beer can. Delta Tau Chi House will take anyone. Members don’t go to class, they break all the rules, waste valuable time with stupid pranks, and have a 0.0 GOP GPA.

Trump knew all about the prank and egged the empty beer cans on. He likes and needs their loyalty and he loves to watch them on TV. That’s why Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, Steve Scalise, Bradley Byrne, Steve King, Lee Zeldin, Jim Jordan, and Debbie Lesko did it. So Trump would see them on TV.

They can’t defend his crimes so they’ll just crush empty beer cans into their foreheads and yell, “Toga!” to stall for time so somebody else can think of something.

The law is not on their side. The truth is not on their side. History is not on their side. All that is left is blaming Democrats before they get kicked out of school.


Meanwhile, back at the Delta Tau Chi House, the guys are watching Fox News believing that there aren’t any Republicans on any of the committees and that the frat party was a trial and not a hearing. They’d know the difference if they didn’t have a 0.0 GOP GPA.

While inside the SCIF, the drunken frat boys tweeted. Reporters covered the TOGA party when they should have been tracking down the staffers of the tweeters to find out who sent those tweets and how did they get information from inside a SCIF.

This is not a game or a National Lampoon movie.

Republicans are losing their grip. After nearly 3 years, they can no longer defend Trump so their strategy is to attack the process so they can buy themselves more time while somebody thinks of something. They have no idea what Trump will do next. He’s got them all out on a limb with him while he slowly saws it off.

Trump called some of them “human scum” on Twitter. They don’t want him at their Toga party but what else can they do? They need more time.

Trump says they’re building a beautiful wall in Colorado. What for? To keep out the New Mexicans? People laughed at him because he’s such an idiot. At 12:30 am he tweeted that he was only kidding about the wall in Colorado. That’s what keeps him up at night — being mad at people who laugh at him. Meanwhile, the rest of us lie awake at night afraid that he’ll get us all killed. Except for MAGAs. They sleep soundly with loaded guns under their pillows after counting sheep in red hats.

Trump’s lawyers are arguing in federal court that Trump can not only not be investigated, but that the cops wouldn’t be able to stop him if he started shooting people on 5th Avenue.

The White House is cancelling its subscriptions to the New York Times and the Washington Post because they only listen to fake news.

TV evangelist Rick Wiles said that if the Democrats succeed in taking Trump down that veterans, cowboys, mountain men, and guys that know how to fight will hunt them down and kill them.

Trump lifted sanctions on Turkey. 3 years ago Turkey’s president was nearly overthrown by a coup. 5 years ago the world wouldn’t have anything to do with Putin. Today, Turkey and Russia just rolled the US. It was easy because the White House is Animal House.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.