Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for Trump

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 25, 2020

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Coronavirus cases in the US have doubled in just 3 days to 55,000 and that’s with minimal testing because the president doesn’t want people to get tested. The numbers aren’t accurate because people have died who have never been tested and a lot of people who are sick can’t get tested.

Hospitals are already rationing care in order to save the most people. Doctors are having to let people die.

According to the World Health Organization, the US is close to being the epicenter of the pandemic. That’s because Trump didn’t use his power to keep it from spreading needlessly. We have no national policy. There is no national message for the country. We have no leader. The guy we have plays a president on TV and right now he’s telling people to die for him and his audience and reality TV contestants are all like, “OK!”

Trump is unphased about Americans dying painful, lonely, scary deaths. You’re going to die anyway so let’s not make too big a deal out of this. You might as well go back to work because if you don’t work, you won’t make any money and if you don’t make any money you’ll get depressed and if you get depressed you might want to kill yourself so you might as well go back to work. What’s it going to be, America? Death by a virus (which is like, a 4 in 100 chance, so MAYBE,) death by suicide, or making money?

Trump has set a deadline (pun intended) for everybody to go back to work. It’s Easter. He wants to see the churches packed with people praising Jesus and him. He’s so excited. He’s already picturing himself on TV on Easter, I HAVE RISEN!

Trump is arguing that we can’t shut down the whole country over the flu just like we can’t shut down a whole automobile industry just because of a few car crashes.

Fox News host Brit Hume, 76, says that it is entirely reasonable to let your grandparents die to save the stock market.

Former Fox News host Glenn Beck said (from the comfort of his home studio,) that older Americans should return to work. “Even if we all get sick, I would rather die than kill the country.”

Republican southern senator John Kennedy, 68, is like so what, the coronavirus is going to kill a small segment of the population, like 2%. You know what else will kill you? Poverty! Hunger! We’ll all die if we lose our economy!

Since when has John Kennedy or any Republican cared about people in America dying from poverty and hunger?

Republicans are willing to let 2% of the country die to save the stock market. That’s 6 million people, the same amount of people who died in the Holocaust.

New York needs 30,000 ventilators. Trump is hoarding 20,000 ventilators. He won’t give them to Governor Cuomo out of spite. He doesn’t like Cuomo because Cuomo isn’t nice to him.

If anybody wants anything out of this guy, they better stroke his ego and stroke it good or people will die. He has a warning for governors, “It’s a two way street — they have to treat us well too.”

Hospitals need 3.5 billion masks to get through the pandemic but Trump won’t invoke the Defense Production Act which would force manufacturers to produce and deliver them because he’s a sadist with more power than any man in the world. It’s payback time for everyone and anyone who has ever been mean to him and then some.

REVENGE.

Spain is the second worst hit country in Europe after Italy. They are converting a convention center in Madrid into a hospital with 5,500 beds. It will be one of largest hospitals in the world. They are converting an ice rink into a morgue. Army troops have gone into nursing homes to disinfect them and have found residents dead in their beds or abandoned to fend for themselves. Deaths are doubling there every 3 days JUST LIKE IN AMERICA.

Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, has tested positive for the coronavirus.

As Americans are standing in line waiting to be tested and treated, and health care workers become infected and pass the disease on to their co-workers and families because they don’t have the protective equipment they need, and as governors beg Trump for help, the sociopathic sadist in the White House tweeted this in response to the news that Mitt Romney has tested negative for the coronavirus: This is really great news! I am so happy I can barely speak. He may have been a terrible presidential candidate and an even worse U.S. Senator, but he is a RINO, and I like him a lot!

You better like Trump, or convince him that you do, or he’ll kill you.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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