Ass Kicking Show!

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 2, 2021

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Employers added 916,000 jobs taking unemployment down to 6%. Biden’s vaccination and economic recovery efforts have led to the third largest month of job growth on record. Meanwhile, the Republiqans are imploding, bad news keeps breaking about Matt Gaetz, and Americans are on edge half expecting that the cop who killed George Floyd in front of a crowd of people on video will get away with murder.

It’s Friday morning, three days after the news started breaking about Matt Gaetz, and like Trump, he doesn’t seem to be too concerned about it. He too has a rich father who has bailed him out of everything which has kept him from ever having to grow up or take responsibility for anything. He gets away with everything so why not now? He found a legal firm to represent him but he’s going to be a nightmare of a client because like Trump, he won’t keep his mouth shut. He’s trying desperately, like Trump, to make himself out to be a targeted victim, and he’ll take anybody down with him that he can grab on to. He’s already implicated Tucker Carlson on his show and claimed that his dad had to “wear a wire” to get a hostage, FBI agent Bob Levinson, released in Iran. He told Tucker, on his show, that the FBI told his “friend” that if she didn’t say what they told her to say she’d be in big trouble. He also referred to his “friend” as a woman more than once. She’s a legal minor.

The only people who have come out in Matt Gaetz’s defense are Marjorie Taylor Greene, Alex Jones and Gym Jordan. He has no other allies in Congress. They try and stay clear of him because he’s too much of a jerk, even for Republiqans, so they’ll let him go down and be secretly glad about it.

The guy who is supposedly out to get Matt Gaetz hasn’t worked for the DOJ since the 90s. His “extortion attempt” involving his father has something to do with the FBI hunting down the head of the Russian Mafia which pretty much owns Florida. Another reason why Matt Gaetz likes Trump so much?

Bill Barr was kept abreast of the Matt Gaetz investigation so that he could avoid him and not be seen in public with him. If you’ve lost Bill Barr, you’re doomed. After all his loyalty to Trump, Trump hasn’t called Matt Gaetz a good man, a fine person, or that he has been unfairly treated. How much does Trump know about what we’re all finding out about Matt Gaetz and when did he know it and how many other people does Trump know that Matt Gaetz knows?

It’s not just the 17 year old and taking her across state lines and having sex with her. It’s full on prostitution where females were passed around to Matt Gaetz and his friends, drugged and given fake IDs. One of them had sex with both Matt Gaetz and Joel Greenberg (the county tax accessor who is sitting in jail right now facing 3 dozen different charges) and agreed to have sex with another man in Florida Republican politics. Hmmmmm……who could that be? This will be quite a show. Get a good seat.

Matt was part of a group of young male lawmakers who made a game out of bedding interns, staffers and female colleagues as part of a contest. He liked to show naked pictures of women he supposedly had sex with to members of Congress on the House floor.

Matt faces a 10 year mandatory sentence if convicted for just one case of sex trafficking a minor.

“When did The Party Of Personal Responsibility become The Party Of I Don’t Know How My Dick Ended Up In That Teenager” — Jeff Tiedrich

“Matt Gaetz could be the first congressman to leave office to spend more time with *someone else’s* kids.” — The Hoarse Whisperer

MAGA in the street interview about Matt Gaetz. “Oh ya? Well what about Hunter Biden, huh? What about HUNTER BIDEN??!!!!!”

Since the news broke about Matt Gaetz on Wednesday afternoon, Fox News has mentioned Hunter Biden at least 16 times and Matt Gaetz 0.

As usual, the repugs are getting outed and busted for the stuff they accuse Dems of doing, but it will be lost on their voters because they do it too.

Qevin McCarthy doesn’t have control of his caucus. On top of this Matt Gaetz thing, he’s got the QAnon nuts who will be making news soon enough for their role in the insurrection, white supremacists who will do anything to hold on to power, and the pervs who partied with Matt.

Meanwhile, Biden and the Dems are kicking ass, enjoying the show of the repugs kicking each other and their own asses. All Biden has to do now is legalize pot and he’ll have the whole country eating Doritos and Mounds bars out of his hand.

On with the show!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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