Bat Crap

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMar 1, 2019

--

Jared Kushner got a security clearance because of nepotism, even after intelligence officials recommended that he not be given clearance because of what they found out about him plus he lied on his disclosure forms. He got it anyway because his father in law is the president and went to bat for him. Top officials in at least 4 countries plotted ways to manipulate Kushner by exploiting his financial difficulties and lack of experience. He and the entire Trump family have sold national security secrets to make money and pay off debts.

The United States has been compromised.

The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is going on right now in Maryland. Looks like a white supremacist rally — lots of God, guns, and red white and blue. Here’s some of the far right kooks in the line up: Mark Meadows and Gym Jordan, Scott Walker, Sebastian Gorka, Mitch the Bitch’s wife, Elaine Cho, Rick Perry, Laura Ingraham, Lindsey Graham, Glen Beck, Candace Owens (the black Ann Coulter,) Diamond and Silk (the token black Trump YouTube fans who have testified before Congress, why? Nobody really knows,) Devin Nunes, Kellyanne Conway, Ted Cruz, Mike Pence, Jerry Falwell, Matt Gaetz, and Don Junior (on behalf of the Trump Organization, WTF?) Trump will speak tomorrow. When the My Pillow guy, Mike Lindell, spoke, he said that Trump is the greatest president because he was chosen by God. The crowd went crazy! Praise God! Praise Trump! Some of the topics on the agenda: The Booming Trump Economy, How to Message Your Judeo-Christian Values in a Secular World, Unwinding The Federal Government’s Stranglehold on Public Lands, YAF beat Berkeley — A Blueprint to Bringing Freedom Back to Your School, AOC’s Green New Deal: Debunking the Climate Alarmism Behind Bringing Full Socialism to America, Persecution of Christians: An Existential Threat to Freedom and How to Defeat (sponsored by Save the Persecuted Christians,) ABORTION!!!!! ABORTION!!!!! ABORTION!!!!! Left for Dead: Are There No Limits to the Progressive War on Humanity?, Scammed Parenthood: Celebrating Slaughter in the Age of Empathy.

Scott Walker told the crowd that people are taking babies home from the hospital and killing them and the liberals are all for it.

Ted Cruz told the crowd, “Democrats have gone batcrap crazy. If you look at the medical dictionary, it’s under B. It is, in fact, a psychosis.”

GUNS!!!!!! GUNS!!!!!! GUNS!!!!!!!

Trump is back from Vietnam. He bombed. He came back with nothing and referred to Kim Jong-un as his friend. He also said Kim Jong-un was innocent of the torture and murder of Otto Warmbier.

Trump has nothing on his schedule for today, as usual.

The House passed HR8, a bipartisan bill for background checks on gun sales. The vote was 240–190 thanks to the Democrats.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Roger Stone broke his gag order.

The Florida (very low) Bar is investigating Congressman Matt Gaetz for threatening Michael Cohen on Twitter: Hey @MichaelCohen212 — Do your wife & father-in-law know about your girlfriends? Maybe tonight would be a good time for that chat. I wonder if she’ll remain faithful when you’re in prison. She’s about to learn a lot…

Virginia’s first lady, Pam Northam, gives tours of the governor’s mansion, built by slaves, to school kids. She handed raw cotton to black students and asked them to imagine what it would be like to be a slave picking the crop.

The Methodists have decided to be more homophobic. No gays allowed.

Some guy in Michigan who was running an unlicensed daycare out of his house left his loaded gun lying around and 2 children got shot. The judge felt bad for the guy and didn’t want to send him to jail so she gave him probation and is making him teach gun safety instead.

The House Oversight Committee is interested in hearing from Ivanka, Jared, Eric, AMI/National Enquirer/David Pecker. Batter up!

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.

--

--

Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

No responses yet