Because Those Guys

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 22, 2021

Nancy Pelosi rejected both Gym Jordan and Jim Banks to serve on the select committee because neither one of them takes the attack on the Capitol seriously, they’re both pathological liars, and they both betrayed democracy and voters by denying the will of the people by voting to overturn the results of the 2020 election. As expected, Jim Banks accused Nancy Pelosi’s committee of being “a purely partisan exercise by the Democrats.” Gym Jordan made a dumb jock fool of himself like he always does, and Qevin McCarthy retaliated by pulling all 5 of his nominees from consideration, and announced that the Republicans won’t cooperate at all unless she changes her mind. He accused Nancy Pelosi of abusing her power and being a lame duck speaker who is destroying “this institution.” He’s going to conduct his own investigation with Republicans only. He expects to be Speaker after the next election even though he too voted to overturn the results of the 2020 election and is acting in Trump’s stead. Fuck those guys.

Liz Cheney called Qevin McCarthy out on the steps of the US Capitol and said he wasn’t fit to be Speaker. She said that one of the rejected nominees didn’t take the committee seriously and the other could very well be a material witness in the investigation. She told the press, “I agree with the Speaker.”

First the repugs minimized the attack on the Capitol and accused the Democrats of making a big deal out of nothing. Then they voted no to a bipartisan committee. Then they sent over a couple of boobs who were rejected outright so now they’ll do their own investigation? Fuck those guys.

A week after the insurrection, Qevin McCarthy stood on the House floor and said, “The president bears responsibility for Wednesday’s attack on Congress by mob rioters. He should have immediately denounced the mob when he saw what was unfolding. These facts require immediate action to accept his share of responsibility.”

Speaking of evil hypocritical Republicans, Ron DeSantis is promoting the vaccine now even though his campaign is selling anti-Fauci merchandise.

Marjorie Taylor Greene pleaded HIPAA as if it was the fifth when a reporter asked her if she was vaccinated. She laughed an ugly laugh when she was told that even children and skinny people were getting infected with covid. She thought that was funny. Fuck you, Marge.

All kids will be exposed to the Delta variant when they go back to school in the fall. They’re not vaccinated yet.

Scott Jensen, a doctor in Minnesota, got kicked off of TikTok for posting bullshit about covid. Now he’s a Republican candidate for governor.

A guy in dumb fuck Louisiana, Scott Roe, has been hospitalized for covid and says he’d take the hospital any day over the vaccine. “Don’t shove it down my throat. That’s what local, state, federal administration is trying to do — shove it down your throat.” One floor in the hospital that he’s hogging a bed in is dedicated exclusively to covid patients after they admitted 23 sick people in a 24 hour period. When told that a congressman from his state, Steve Scalise, just got vaccinated and encouraged others to do it too he said it didn’t matter because there isn’t enough “evidence.” Go fuck yourself, Scott.

Covid has mutated into a stronger, more contagious, more deadly virus and the public health crisis has mutated into a pandemic of the unvaccinated. It’s only killing Republicans and kids now.

Biden won in Arizona and Georgia by about 10,000 votes. How are Republicans going to flip both states back to red when they’re killing their voters off? Democrats are vaccinated so fuck you guys.

The vaccine is a gift and a huge scientific, humanitarian achievement but millions of Americans are so selfish and stupid they don’t get it. Get it? They don’t get it.

President Emmanuel Macron said this of his fellow selfish and stupid Frenchmen: “I no longer have any intention of sacrificing my life, my time, my freedom and the adolescence of my daughters, as well as their right to study properly, for those who refuse to be vaccinated. This time, you stay at home, not us. We cannot make those who have the civic sense to get vaccinated bear the burden of inconvenience. The restrictions will weigh on others, those who for reasons incomprehensible in the country of Louis Pasteur, science and the Enlightenment still hesitate to use the only weapon available against the pandemic, the vaccine. I am aware of what I am asking you, and I know that you are ready for this commitment. This is, in a sense, part of your sense of duty.”

In other words, fuck you guys.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.