Because Trump is President
The coronavirus is the number 1 leading cause of death in America. 52,000 dead in 7 weeks. The US has just 4.5% of the world’s population and one quarter of the world’s coronavirus deaths. There is one reason for that: Trump is president.
Trump got a lot of backlash from his insane recommendations to inject disinfectants into your body and radiate yourself inside and out with UV light. His staff told him it’s not in his best interest to do the daily “press briefings” anymore so he cancelled today’s show. After he yammered on and on yesterday he walked out without taking any questions. He can blow the press off because he’s the president.
“Please don’t poison yourself because Donald Trump thinks it could be a good idea.” — Hillary Clinton
“I can’t believe I have to say this, but please don’t drink bleach.” — Joe Biden
“Remember when Republicans got mad when the Obamas told people to eat more vegetables?” — Daniel Kibblesmith
“If you drink Pine-Sol your burps and farts will smell like Christmas.” — Dunky Shines
30 people in New York had farts that smelled like Christmas because Trump is president.
In the Oval Office, Trump said he was only kidding around when he said people should use ultraviolet light and bleach to kill the coronavirus. It was sarcasm! Jeez people! Where’s your sense of humor? He told a reporter to take off her face mask when talking to him. He assured her that the reporter standing near her wasn’t worried. Go on, do it. You have to because I’m the president.
After receiving a ton of calls on its hotline, the Maryland Emergency Management Agency warned residents not to use disinfectant products to treat the coronavirus.
A 35 year old guy in Miami drank a bottle of rubbing alcohol because he heard it would kill the coronavirus because Trump is president.
In other Miami news, the city has gone 7 weeks without a homicide for first time since 1957 (murderers support the stay at home order too) and a shipment of 1 million N95 masks was hijacked by the federal government on its way to the hospital because Trump is president.
Pennsylvania has the 5th highest infection rate but can’t get any support from the federal stockpile because Trump is president. He cut Pennsylvania off.
There was another protest of the stay at home order. This time in Madison, Wisconsin. Idiots brought their long guns because nothing makes a point better than LOOK AT MY GUN. I HAVE A GUN. They did it because Trump is their president.
The Trump administration said that it plans to ask the Supreme Court to block a lower court ruling that allows the House of Representatives to access secret grand jury material gathered in former special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation.
Trump has decided that he wants to make a speech at West Point. 1000 cadets scattered across the country are being asked to fly back to campus in New York to salute the king. New York. The most dangerous spot in the country and FOR WHAT? Because Trump is president. Take your mask off when you salute me.
Nancy Pelosi has had enough. “The president is asking people to inject Lysol into their lungs and Mitch is saying that states should go bankrupt.”
The whole country has had enough because Trump is president.
Trump owes $211 million to the Bank of China and the loan is due soon. What’s Trump’s next move? a) send China the entire stockpile of PPE and ventilators in exchange for loan forgiveness, b) rebrand the virus The Tehran Flu, or c) start a war.
90% fewer people would have contracted the virus if we stayed at home 2 weeks earlier. We have the worst outbreak in the world because Trump is president.
World leaders are kicking off a unified initiative to fight coronavirus without the US because Trump is president.
For a copy of the Trump-Ukraine Impeachment Inquiry Report, click here.
For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.
For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.
For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.
For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.
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