Big Butt Goes to Washington
Trump went to Washington to get his ass kissed, patted, and spanked with a copy of the New York Times by Republicans and CEOs seeking favors in case Trump is elected. This was his first time back to DC since the January 6 insurrection. The usuals were there plus people who called him out for the January 6 attack. They were all there, squeezing his bulbous, bright white, smelly butt. Trump acted like a crazy person but everybody pretended that he was as great as he thinks he is. He lauded Hannibal Lecter for being a great man, shared his great romance that he had with Nancy Pelosi in another life, called Milwaukee “horrible” (the RNC is having its convention in Milwaukee in July), and expressed a fear of Taylor Swift. Trump and the ass kissers didn’t meet on government property. Trump didn’t dare return to the scene of the crime.
Speaker Mike Johnson was flattered by what Big Butt said to him. “He said very complimentary things about all of us. We had sustained applause. He said I’m doing a very good job. We’re grateful for that.” When he got home at the end of the day he had to scrub his own butt twice.
The mayor of Milwaukee, Cavalier Johnson, responded to Trump in a press conference. “Donald Trump was talking about things that he thinks are horrible — all of us lived through his presidency. So right back at you, buddy.”
Milwaukee is going to kick Trump’s butt in July.
The front page of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel today read, “Trump: Milwaukee ‘horrible.’”
In a House judiciary meeting, Democratic Congressman Eric Swalwell asked people to raise their hand if they “hung out with a convicted felon today.”
The Supreme Court ruled that the abortion pill can stay on the market not because they’re cool about it but because the people who brought the suit, led by Josh Hawley’s wife, had no legal standing. Shouldn’t Josh Hawley’s wife be home in the kitchen? How’s her butt? Is it perky enough for the Mrs. Republican swim suit competition?
The Supreme Court ruled that bump stocks are cool and can stay on the market. Those are things that you stick on a regular gun to make it work like a machine gun. The lunatic that killed 60 people and wounded 500 others during an outdoor concert in Las Vegas in 2017 used bump stocks. He had 18 rifles and a handgun. Thirteen of the rifles were outfitted with bump stocks. He used all but one of the bump stock-equipped rifles. He was able to unleash a total of 1,049 rounds in 11 short minutes. That wouldn’t have been possible without bump stocks. The pro-gun Supreme Court just covered gun nuts’ butts. They’ll be able to legally check into hotels with bump stocks. If they end up killing a bunch of people all at once, guns don’t kill people, people kill people.
Speaking about gun nuts, three teens went to a sporting goods store in Seattle to return a BB gun. They liked going out into the woods to shoot stuff but one of their BB guns didn’t work right so they wanted to return it. While they were walking into the store a good guy with a gun who likes to hang around parking lots to stand guard and pretend to be a police officer, saw the BB gun and thought they were going into the store to rob the place so he leapt out of his car and pointed his gun at the teens. He tackled one and shot another 6 times in the back, killing him. He called out for his mom while he laid on the ground dying. In 2022 he did something similar. He observed somebody on a bike path who he mistakenly thought had a gun. He almost shot him because he didn’t think the cops could get there in time if he called 9-1-1. The prosecutor wrote, “Only a high bail, electronic home detention, and surrender of all firearms will protect the community from an untrained civilian who believes he has a duty to shoot people who have not hurt anyone.” Imagine what this vigilante could do with a couple of bump stocks.
The House of Representatives voted 216–207 to hold Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt of Congress for refusing to hand over to a corrupt Congress the audio of Biden’s interview with special counsel Robert Hur on his handling of classified documents. Holding Garland in contempt doesn’t mean anything. This was a waste of time and all for show. Merrick Garland responded by saying, “It is deeply disappointing that the House of Representatives has turned a serious congressional authority into a partisan weapon. Today’s vote disregards the constitutional separation of powers, the Justice Department’s need to protect its investigations and the substantial amount of information we have provided to the Committees. I will always stand up for this Department, its employees, and its vital mission to defend our democracy.”
As a candidate for president, Trump will have access to protected information. Since there hasn’t been any legal consequences for him stealing our nation’s secrets and possibly selling them to our enemies, Donald Trump, a convicted felon, will be entitled to see sensitive information. Since he’s such an idiot who never reads, give him a picture book, “Big Butt Goes to Washington” where he’s the main character and more popular than Taylor Swift. Tell him it’s top secret information. He won’t know the difference.
