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Billionaire Bye Outs

3 min readJun 6, 2025

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The Billionaire Bros are breaking up on social media in front of the world. Two mentally unwell megalomaniac narcissists with access to billions, unlimited power, and our private information are playing with everybody’s fate. It started when Musk called Trump’s big beautiful bill a disaster and chastised the Republicans for voting for it. Then Trump made fun of Musk’s black eye and accused him of having Trump Derangement Syndrome. Then Elon called Trump a liar and said he wouldn’t have won the election without him. Tesla stock fell. Hundreds of millions was lost in value. Musk called for a new political party. He took a dig at Trump’s age and said he’ll live another 40 years while Trump will only live for 3.5 years as president. Trump threatened to cut Musk’s government contracts and subsidies. Then Musk fired back with the reason why we haven’t seen the Epstein files is because Trump is in them and then he called for Trump’s impeachment. They fought all day yesterday on social media like a couple of middle school girls.

Steve Bannon jumped in and said that Trump should investigate Musk’s drug use and immigration status. He wants Trump to deport him and rescind all government contracts.

Stephen Miller cancelled his interview on Fox to attend an emergency meeting in the White House.

Trump claims that his poor ratings are “rigged” and “corrupt as hell.”

The new FEMA chief had never heard of hurricane season.

Trump is telling the pharmaceutical companies that if they don’t lower their prices that they can’t sell any more cars.

Pete Hegseth removed gay icon Harvey Milk’s name from a Navy ship to commemorate Pride Month.

Trump ordered an investigation into Joe Biden’s mental state while he was president. There he goes projecting again.

Trump is going to either sell or give away the red Tesla that he bought after he turned the White House into a car dealership to promote Musk and Tesla a few months ago when they were still in love with each other.

Trump is worried that people are going to show up at his big beautiful parade next week wearing chicken suits while eating tacos.

Elon Musk bought the presidency for Trump thinking he could, in return, control NASA and the federal budget. Now Trump is just not that into Elon.

Elon Musk was facing $2.37 billion in legal liability when Trump got inaugurated. He spent up to $300 million buying Trump and then by creating DOGE, he was able to blow up all of the agencies that was standing in his way of making more billions.

Elon Musk has made hundreds of billions of dollars for his companies by being Trump’s emotional support billionaire. Now that he’s done with him he better quickly find a new one. The two of them are getting way too emotional over their bad breakup.

Isn’t that why sexists don’t think women should be president? Because they’re too emotional? Now look what we’ve got — a couple of billionaire middle school girls with itty bitty tiny weiners running the country.

“We have allowed the unregulated creation of a class of billionaires for whom democracy and country are expendable concepts. They are their own nation. They feel no commitment to our democracy, to the support of democratic institutions or to the principles to which our nation has aspired. Equality, justice, opportunity, rule of law, antidiscrimination, transparency, accountability are all expendable concepts. Profits, ‘innovation,’ deregulation are the values of their ‘nation.’” — Sherrilyn Ifill

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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