Blue Tsunami

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 30, 2020

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Trump has been actively involved in squashing a criminal case against a state owned Turkish bank, Halkbank, which violated US sanctions law by funneling billions of dollars of gold and cash to Iran to help finance their nuclear weapons program. The country’s authoritarian leader, President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (who was almost overthrown in a military coup in 2016,) his family, and his political party all had a hand in it. This has been an on going case that goes back to the Obama administration. Erdogan had tried to get VP Biden to drop the case and was told no way. When Trump came along, no problem! He owed Erdogan a favor. He’s been doing business in Turkey — Trump Towers Istanbul. He had acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker fire US attorney, Preet Bharara, and got the justice department to back off. Then Bill Barr was hired as the permanent AG. He went after Preet Bharara’s replacement, Geoffrey Berman. He tried to get him to drop the case which had advanced to include money laundering and bank fraud but Berman refused so he was fired. In summary, a foreign dictator called in a favor with Trump and got him to get a criminal case against a bank in his country dropped with the help of 2 US attorneys general.

Trump’s first national security advisor, Michael Flynn, and foreign agent working for Turkey, was part of a plot to kidnap Turkish Muslim cleric Fethullah Gulen, who was living in exile in Pennsylvania and deliver him to Erdogan so he could seek revenge on him for his involvement in the coup. Erdogan had tried to get Biden to extradite Gulen but to no avail, so he hired Michael Flynn to kidnap him and bring him back to Turkey.

Trump and Barr conspiring with a foreign government would be a huge scandal if this were any other time. For now, it’s just another day in Trump’s America.

Texas could turn blue! So far, Texas has surpassed its total vote count for 2016! Over 9 million have voted so far! 8,969,226 voted in 2016. Tonight is the last night for early voting and polls will stay open all night. Texas could very well hit 11 million by election day. Kamala is making 3 stops in Texas today. The Biden campaign wouldn’t be sending her there if they weren’t really confident that Kamala was a blue ray. Voters aged 18 to 29 are up 610%. Trump got 4.6 million votes in Texas in 2016. The last time Texas voted for a Democrat for president was 1976. Texas could turn blue! Bring America home, Texas!

Trump targeted Tik Tok so now about a half a million 18 to 20 year olds who are voting for the first time are voting for Biden.

Young Democrat running for Senate in Georgia, Jon Ossoff, kicked Republican incumbent, David Perdue’s ass black and blue in a debate so Perdue cancelled the last debate because he’s scared. Georgia could turn blue!

A judge in Duval County, Florida has resigned. He was leading the vote-counting board. But after it was reported that he donated 12 times to Trump, he turned blue and quit.

84 million people have already voted. Republicans are so afraid of a blue wave that they’re filing lawsuits in all of the swing states to stop the voting. That’s never happened before in America.

Trump has gone to Wisconsin 3 times this week and downplayed the coronavirus as cases surge in the state. MAGAs in Wisconsin are coughing and cheering. Everybody else has got the blues because so many people are coughing and cheering.

The US hit a new record high for coronavirus cases. Code blue.

2 people who attended one of Trump’s recent rallies in North Carolina have tested positive for the coronavirus.

Nancy Pelosi and the Coronavirus Oversight Panel will release a report on the investigation into Trump’s failed response to the pandemic this morning.

Trump cancelled a MAGA rally in North Carolina because of wind. He’s worried about his hair. He could give a shit about people attending his rallies getting the coronavirus or freezing to death, just watch the hair.

Trump cancelled his election night party at his hotel so he can hide out at the White House and nurse his blue balls.

Trump was rage tweeting at 3 am. He wouldn’t be doing that if he didn’t fear a blue tsunami.

4 days until election day. Vote BLUE!!!!!!!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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