Book ‘Em

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 11, 2023

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Insurrectionist Ray Epps, a MAGA who was at the Capitol on January 6 waving people in, is suing Tucker Carlson and Fox News for defamation for spreading conspiracy theories about him — they claimed he was a secret government agent which meant that the coup was the work of the government. As a result he was targeted by MAGAs. He and his wife were forced to leave their home in Arizona and have been living in hiding thanks to death threats from half wit, illiterate MAGAs who fall for the conspiracy theories.

In another suit, Fox settled with Abby Grossberg, Tucker Carlson’s former producer, for $12 million. She had 90 recordings of people admitting to wrongdoing, some of which she shared with Jack Smith.

The GOP’s latest fake Hunter Biden “whistleblower,” Gal Luft, has been indicted by the DOJ for arms trafficking, violating US sanctions against Iran, making false statements to federal agents, and being an unregistered foreign agent for China. The Republican party, led by James Comer and Jim Jordan, has been working with a Chinese spy to set Joe Biden up, and they wanted to give him immunity for his crimes.

Republican congresswoman, Nancy Mace went on Fox and told Maria Bartiromo, “They are trying to silence our witnesses.” Without any evidence, she accused the DOJ of going after their whistleblower in order to protect the Bidens. A month ago, another Republican congresswoman, Elise Stefanik, went on Fox & Friends to accuse Joe Biden of “committing multiple criminal acts” without any evidence whatsoever. Can Joe Biden sue Fox and the Republicans for defamation and slander?

21 House Republicans (the absolute craziest and most corrupt of the corrupt crazies), led by insurrectionists Scott Perry and Chip Roy, delivered a letter to Kevin McCarthy issuing a series of demands on government funding. They threatened to screw things up for him by voting no on stuff just to screw him.

Tubby the Tuba Tommy Tuberville, the idiot racist hick rookie senator from Alabama, went on CNN and said that the definition of a “white nationalist” is a matter of “opinion” after he was asked to clarify remarks be made a few months ago where he advocated for white nationalists to serve in the US military.

Because of Tommy Tuberville, the Marine Corp will be without a leader for the first time in over 150 years because he’s blocking all of Biden’s military picks to protest the Pentagon supporting females in securing abortions if they need it. He has blocked 265 candidates so far.

Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders made news again for stripping health insurance away from nearly 220,000 Arkansas residents.

The selection of two Fulton County grand juries will be made today. One of them will be charged with whether to issue indictments for interference in the 2020 presidential election. They will meet twice a week and are expected to announce their decisions the first week of August. A minimum of 10–15 people could be charged with multiple felony counts. Trump, Rudy, Mark Meadows, John Eastman, Peter Navarro, Lindsey Graham, Sidney Powell, Mike Flynn, and Jenna Ellis could be in really big trouble. They could be charged with solicitation to commit election fraud, conspiracy to commit election fraud, making false statements, and racketeering, Half of the 16 Georgia fake electors have been granted immunity for their cooperation. The other half are facing charges of fraud, making false statements, and conspiracy.

Throw the book at them.

There is a NATO summit going on in Lithuania. Sweden will be the 32nd country to join NATO, after Finland, which is bad for Russia. They both sit between Russia and the rest of NATO. Turkey was the last holdout on letting Sweden in but Biden convinced them to vote yes. Another big win that Biden won’t get credit for until later when history books get written.

4 star general, former CIA director, director of National Security Agency, and deputy director of National Intelligence, Michael Hayden, did a commercial for the Republican Accountability Project (a group of Republicans holding their party accountable for the horrible things it has done) and said that Trump has made us less safe. He warned that we must assume the worst when it comes to him stealing classified documents — that he shared our secrets with our enemies. He was a Republican until Trump made it impossible from him to remain one in good conscience. This is a guy that has done everything by the book his entire career, and now he’s throwing the book at him.

Former chief of staff of Homeland Security during the Trump administration, Miles Taylor, has a new book coming out that alerts readers of how close Trump came to starting a nuclear war. In it he says that General Mattis had told Trump’s chief of staff, General John Kelly to prepare for the homeland to be under threat. Miles Taylor is the guy who wrote the anonymous piece in the New York Times in 2018 that said things were bad in the White House but that there were competent people inside who weren’t going to let the country go off the rails.

Trump lover Kari Lake, who still thinks he’s president and she’s the governor of Arizona, wrote a book but it bombed. Since the Arizona GOP is about to go bankrupt it looks like they couldn’t afford to buy up a bunch of copies to put her on the NYT best sellers list then give them away as booby prizes at MAGA rallies and conventions. Republicans should stop writing books. Their audience doesn’t read.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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