Bowled Over
Football players played in front of live fans at the Super Spreader Bowl yesterday in Flori-duh. Nothing says “we’re the dumbest sports fans in America” quite like hosting the Super Bowl during an out of control highly infectious deadly pandemic. They partied like wild infected animals in the street after their team won even though the number of people coming down with the virus is doubling every 9 days in Florida.
President Biden got booed for daring to say via the jumbotron during the game that only 10% of the NFL coaches are black. MAGAs are delighting in this because they think they’re getting revenge for Trump getting booed at the World Series. It’s apple pie and tanning bed oranges. Biden was booed for pointing on white supremacy. Trump was booed for being there.
QAnon is headed back to DC on March 4, the day that cult members believe Trump will be sworn in as president. Trump is making a big bowl of money off them by hacking up his hotel room prices 175%. A $500 room will cost those idiots $1,375. He’s gauging them but they don’t care. They think they’re getting a deal because they paid $7,000 when they came to DC to take over the government for him PLUS they got arrested. These guys don’t believe they should have to follow laws or pay taxes. They also don’t believe there has been a legitimate president since 1871 because that’s when the government was secretly turned into a corporation. On March 4 Trump will be sworn in as the legitimate 19th president of the United States. That’s going to go over like a Trump turd in a punch bowl. The Capitol Police better be ready this time.
QAnon believers who weren’t at the Capitol expected a national blackout at noon on January 6 so they stocked up on food and bought more guns. You’re living in a fish bowl now, dumb asses. We can see you. Enjoy eating that SPAM and other canned shit for the rest of 2021.
Every single one of Q’s predictions has not come true but that hasn’t stopped QAnon weirdos from believing him.
Mitch McConnell sure has been quiet. Is that because a) he’s up to something b) he’s got selective mutism from being traumatized after a MAGA mob busted into his workplace and tried to kill him c) he smoked a big bowl of really good “medical marijuana” and feels so good he doesn’t want to fuck with America today.
Flori-duh gets to claim Trump now has their number one Duh. He is now a private citizen golfing there permanently. There goes the neighborhood. The Beverly Hillbillies have invaded Palm Beach. Jared and Ivanka are pissed because the only country club that will accept them is Mar-a-Qargo. Melania has kicked off her stilettos, changed into a moo-moo, put her hair up in a ponytail and let her pubes grow.
Trump hasn’t had a bowl movement since January 20.
For Republicans, life is a bowl of cherry picked white supremacist voters. Send some drones into those gerrymandered districts and you’ll find lots of white people living in nice houses, driving nice cars, praying to Republican Jesus and skipping church on Sundays, enjoying services and benefits that other people’s taxes pay for and making pigs of themselves eating out of big bowls of money generated off of the labor of other people who they don’t think are worth $15/hour.
The trial this week will be as corrupt as the Trump presidency was. Republicans have already decided to acquit even though they have a personal stake in the trial (their political careers) plus they were all witnesses AND victims. Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz should not to be jurors because they were co-conspirators. Pat Toomey won’t vote yes because he says the Democrats will politicize it. Roy Blunt says don’t bother because Trump won’t ever do anything like that again and Lindsey Graham has always been against impeachment because bowl jobs aren’t impeachable.
Republican hypocrite fun fact: Lindsey Graham won’t vote to convict Trump over a coup but he voted to impeach Bill Clinton over a bowl job. Whoops! Blow job.
Joe Biden hasn’t golfed or tweeted in 20 days. He might bowl now and again because the White House has a bowling alley. Hope the bowling balls have all been checked for Russian bugs and Beverly Hillbilly bugs.
Never forget Bowling Green Massacre.
Trump’s second impeachment trial starts tomorrow. Get your bowl of popcorn.
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