Broke Ass Grifter

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 8, 2019

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News broke last night that from 1985 to 1994, Trump appears to have lost more money than nearly any other individual American taxpayer — $1.17 billion in a decade. $100 million a year for 10 years. Most of it was borrowed money. He lost so much that he was able to avoid paying income taxes for 8 out of the 10 years. He wrote Art of the Deal during this period.

Trump responded in a tweet. Everybody was doing it. You have to show losses on your taxes. That’s good business. Also, this is fake news.

Trump admitted that he cheated on his taxes while trying to defend losing a billion dollars.

Fox News: A billion dollars over 10 years isn’t that big of a deal.

Trump said he would run the country like he runs his businesses and he has — straight into the ground.

Mitch McConnell made a speech on the Senate floor accusing the Democrats of being sore losers and using the Mueller Report to re-litigate the election. He told the Democrats to put an end to their nonsense — case closed! Mitch the Bitch fun facts: Mitch McConnell threatened Obama not to go public with what he knew about Russia in 2016 and he refused to hold a vote in the Senate to protect Robert Mueller. CASE CLOSED.

What did Chuck and Nancy have to say about Mitch’s case closed speech? “There is a dark connection in Washington between Senator McConnell, Attorney General Barr, and President Trump.”

After Mitch the Bitch finished bitching, Elizabeth Warren took to the floor to read excerpts of the Mueller Report along with the letter signed by 600 federal prosecutors, saying if Trump was anybody else, he would already be indicted.

There are only 900 federal prosecutors in the country and they aren’t all Democrats.

Former White House Counsel Don McGahn may not comply with a congressional subpoena after all because the White House told him not to. What does the White House have on Don McGahn that would make him take a bullet for Trump?

Speaking of bullets — there was another shooting at a K-12 school in Colorado. 2 students shot other students, injuring 8, killing 1 and sending the rest of them screaming down the street with blood splatter on their clothes and in their hair in fear for their lives. Trump hasn’t even tweeted out a thought or a prayer.

An 8 year old boy said, “I heard a gunshot. “ He has been training for this moment with active shooter drills and lockdowns since he was in kindergarten.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Colorado senator, Cory Gardner, has received $3.8 million from the NRA. He’s up for re-election in 2020.

The head of the IRS got the job because he wrote an op-ed saying Trump shouldn’t release his taxes. Trump had Mitch the Bitch rush the vote through.

Michael Cohen took care of sex photos for Jerry Falwell in 2015. In 2016 Falwell endorsed Trump’s Christian values and has stuck by his heretical side ever since.

“Jesus loves me, this I know, because Jerry Falwell Jr may have sent the pool boy some dick pics yo.” — Marie Connor

Trump is provoking Iran into war to seize more power for himself. He is provoking the Democrats into impeaching him to seize more support from his base. Nancy Pelosi tells Congress: Get ready.

Congress is supposed to vote on whether or not to hold Barr in contempt this morning. Bill Barr told Congress to cancel the vote this morning or Trump will assert executive privilege. He’s not supposed to be advising the president. He’s supposed to be acting on behalf of the people.

Case closed? Um no. Open a case on Bill Barr, Donald Trump, Steve Mnuchin, and while we’re at it, Jerry Falwell, too. American evangelicalism should go down with Trump and the Republicans.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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