Bullshit

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 3, 2020

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POTUS and the Third Laidy when they used to play president

It’s Monday morning in America. Trump golfed all weekend, as usual, callously ignoring the news that 4.75 million Americans have been infected with the coronavirus and 157,000 are known to be dead, millions of people are facing evictions and can’t feed their kids because they have no jobs and no money, schools are scrambling to figure out what to do about opening or not, international borders all closed to Americans, the worst GDP decline in history, and a record number of people are still protesting in the streets all across the country and are being attacked and kidnapped by totalitarian style secret police. An impeached president threatens to cancel the election so he can maintain power while the Republican party hides under the covers. This morning Trump tweeted this bullshit:

“My visits last week to Texas and Florida had massive numbers of cheering people gathered along the roads and highways, thousands and thousands, even bigger (by far) than the crowds of 2016. Saw no Biden supporters, and yet some in the Fake News said it was an equal number. Sad!” (A poorly photoshopped crowd picture of Trump on the tarmac was released to bullshit people. Trump could have done it himself it’s that bad. The same people in the crowd were copied and pasted over and over again. Feeble, miserable bunghole.)

“FAKE NEWS IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!” (Retweet of his own tweet 3 hours earlier.)

“RECORD HIGH NASDAQ! It would all come crashing down, including your Jobs, Stocks, and 401k’s, if Sleepy Joe ever became President. China and others would own us!!!” (NASDAQ, NASCAR, or NASTY? China already owns us and so does Russia, you contemptible bastard.)

“So Crazy Nancy Pelosi said horrible things about Dr. Deborah Birx, going after her because she was too positive on the very good job we are doing on combatting the China Virus, including Vaccines & Therapeutics. In order to counter Nancy, Deborah took the bait & hit us. Pathetic!” (You like Dr. Birx because she wears a scarf and is an old fashioned, subservient female who flatters you. Nancy carries your balls in her purse.)

“Wow! Really bad TV Ratings for Morning Joe and Fox and Friends doing great, leading all others by far. CNN not a factor!!!” (Hey Trump? How do you spell ratings? B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.)

“My visits last week to Texas and Frorida had massive numbers of cheering people gathered along the roads and highways, thousands and thousands, even bigger (by far) than the crowds of 2016. Saw no Biden supporters, and yet some in the Fake News said it was an equal number. Sad!” (You spelled Florida wrong you stupid sack of fake billionaire bullshit.)

“96% Approval Rating in the Republican Party. 50% in new Rasmussen Poll (higher than Obama at this point in time). Thank you!” (The Lincoln Project has posted screen shots of him tweeting this 12 times since April 10. It’s B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.)

“Cases up because of BIG Testing! Much of our Country is doing very well. Open the Schools!” (Get back to work! It’ll be great for my B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T ratings!)

“FAKE NEWS IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!” (Hitler already said that.)

“With the exception of New York & a few other locations, we’ve done MUCH better than most other Countries in dealing with the China Virus. Many of these countries are now having a major second wave. The Fake News is working overtime to make the USA (& me) look as bad as possible!” (Um, no. The US has the most cases and the most deaths and it’s all because of you, you tyrannical golf bag full of bullshit.)

“In an illegal late night coup, Nevada’s clubhouse Governor made it impossible for Republicans to win the state. Post Office could never handle the Traffic of Mail-In Votes without preparation. Using Covid to steal the state. See you in Court!” (No, we’ll see you in court. You better not get Covid and die first because Americans really need to see your ass thrown in jail. That would really help boost morale you son of a bitch.)

This is bullshit. 92 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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