Bunch of Criminals

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMar 10, 2023

The New York DA has sent the signal. He offered Trump a chance to testify in the Stormy Daniels hush money case that Michael Cohen already went to jail for. Next up: An indictment. Charges are imminent. Giving a defendant a chance to speak and answer questions on their own behalf at this point in the process is a common last step before an indictment.

Which indictment will come first? New York City or Fulton County? Whichever one it ends up being, Donald J. Trump is about to make history for being the first former president ever indicted for a crime.

Jenna Ellis, the MAGA lawyer that Rudy farted on during a public hearing, admitted in court to making false claims about the 2020 election. That’s a polite way of saying she got busted for being a fucking liar. The judge censured her and fined her $224. She admitted to 10 “misrepresentations” including that the election was stolen, Trump won by a landslide, and there over 500,000 votes in Arizona that were cast illegally. When the Select Committee asked her about this stuff, she refused to answer any questions. She testified for the grand jury in Fulton County, Georgia. Was she one of the witnesses the jury said they knew lied to them? We’ll be hearing a lot more about Jenna Ellis in the near future and there better be more than slaps on the wrist and easy fines. She was deep into the coup.

Speaking of being deep into the coup, criminal Congressman and Chair of the new House committee that formed to protect those in Congress who attempted the coup from going to jail, got called out by a Democratic committee member, Eric Swalwell, in a committee hearing for his bogus subpoenas, hypocrisy, and wasting valuable time. He said, “I think that it is quite rich that we are talking about subpoena compliance under a chairman of the full committee who was absolutely out of subpoena compliance in the last congress.” Then Swalwell projected a copy of the Select Committee’s subpoena for Jim Jordan on a screen so everybody could see. Jim Jordan blew off a congressional subpoena to appear before the Select Committee about his role in participating in the insurrection.

Speaking of criminals in the House, stories about newly elected imposter George Santos being a thief keep popping up. Over 10 Republicans have asked him to step down and constituents showed up at his DC office with a petition demanding that he resign but he wouldn’t see them. County leaders from the GOP publicly called for his resignation but he won’t quit. Kevin McCarthy won’t ask him to quit. Kevin needs this criminal on his side. He needs all the criminals on his side. The latest thief story is George Santos was the master mind of ATM fraud in 2017. His old roommate and convicted felon, Gustavo Ribeiro Trelha, said in a sworn declaration that George Santos/Anthony Devolder taught him how to skim card information and how to clone cards. They did it in Seattle and after Gustavo got busted, he got deported back to Brazil. That same year Santos was charged with theft in Pennsylvania’s Amish Country for writing bad checks to dog breeders. Officials in Brazil are coming for George Santos/Anthony Devolder for writing bad checks. He’s a thief.

The House of Representatives is full of Republican criminals. From the petty thieves like Santos to coup planners like Jordan.

At a Senate hearing where the greedy CEO of Norfolk Southern defended the company’s commitment to safety, news was shared that another one of his trains derailed in Alabama, hours before his testimony. He didn’t know. This is going to keep happening because this is what happens with greed and deregulation. This is what you get with weaker unions, too. You can’t make cutbacks to increase profits and overwork your workers and not expect an increase in human error.

Trump has a new grift. He published a book of his favorite letters that MAGA cult members, celebs, and dictators have sent him. The book is titled, “Letters to Trump” and on the cover is a photo of Trump writing a letter to himself.

The next letter he writes better be from jail. He could publish it and charge MAGAs $1,000 for a downloadable copy. He could call it “Letter from a Moneygram Jail.”

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.