Business As Usual

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 6, 2021

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Republicans are pretending like the insurrection never happened even though it was aired on live TV and they were in the building when it happened. Lying and denying…..business as usual for the Republicans.

The #1 and #2 people in line of succession to the presidency, Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi, were in the building that was under attack and were both called out by name by the mob to be assassinated and Republicans say it’s time to move on. Those crazy patriotic tourists waving Trump flags and wearing MAGA hats got a little excited but it’s over. It’s old news. Let’s get on with the business of not doing the people’s business.

Speaking of business, Governor Ron DeSantis is ignoring the fact that his state has 1 out of 5 of the covid cases in the country so he can focus on business, which is a very Republican thing to do. People? What are they good for except serving as grunt workers in the white man’s business? DeSantis says that Florida’s hospitals are open for business! What the hell kind of whacked thing is that to say when you’re literally killing people? Hospitals are sold out? Woo hoo? That’s another problem. Hospitals shouldn’t be run as for-profit businesses.

Republicans keep ignoring death and suffering in their states to reject the federal government getting in their business as they themselves mandate that the public can’t protect themselves against the disease or each other. Big government authoritarianism, which is what Republicans claim that Democrats do, is Republican governors saying school districts can’t mandate masks even though all of them are unvaccinated and pick their noses and cough without covering their mouths all day, every day, because they’re kids.

Teachers in Texas can be fined for asking students if they’ve been vaccinated. That’s big government authoritarianism. Republicans say they have to mandate teachers getting all up in kids’ business because its unconstitutional when it’s really the government controlling and promoting the spread of a deadly virus.

Government mandated proof of vaccines is not new or radical. Republicans say whether or not anyone is vaccinated should be nobody’s business but your kid can’t go to kindergarten without showing their vaccine passport and it’s been that way since the invention of vaccines which has done nothing but save lives and protect the public from the spread of deadly diseases.

In Houston, an 11 month old baby girl had to be airlifted to another hospital 150 miles away from her home because there were no beds available in local pediatric hospitals. She needed to be intubated immediately because she was having seizures. Business for hospitals in Houston is booming.

South Carolina Republican Congressman Ralph Norman, a big mouth anti-masker, has covid. He’s one of the jerks who has been refusing to wear a mask on the House floor, comparing that to having to face fines if they don’t “dye our hair and wear blue socks.” He’s vaccinated so he and his big mouth will still be open for business. He’s not going to die.

Barack Obama turned 60 two days ago and Republicans went nuts trying to get attention for calling him out for celebrating his birthday during a pandemic. US Senator John Kennedy blamed Obama for the increase in covid cases by actually saying on Fox News, “The single biggest thing that has undermined our efforts to make the American people understand we are in a fourth wave is President Obama’s decision to hold a birthday bash.”

The DOJ has opened an investigation into the Phoenix Police Department to determine if cops have used excessive force, engaged in discrimination in policing, or whether or not they retaliated against citizens and violated their civil rights while they were supposed be conducting police business. First Minneapolis, then Louisville, and now Phoenix.

The governor of Missouri is in the news again for being a racist, corrupt asshole. He has made 3 rounds of pardons since he was asked to pardon an innocent black man, Kevin Strickland, who has been in jail for 40 years and has high profile support for his release, including prosecutors. He is making him stay in jail because it wouldn’t be fair or good business to let him “jump the line,” yet he let Mark and Patricia McCloskey (aka Captain and Tennille,) jump the line so they can get rid of the slap on their powdered wrists for pulling guns on Black Lives Matter protesters. Since Captain is running for Senate this pardon serves as an endorsement.

Card carrying MAGA nuts can now actually carry literal Trump cards fashioned after the Third Reich symbol. He’s encouraging his supporters to carry a “Trump card” in their wallets to prove membership in his fascist club. The design is literally fashioned after the symbol the Nazis used — an exact replica.

“’I got my Trump card’ sounds like slang for hurting yourself shitting or being asked to leave a buffet.” — Ed Burmila

Mitch McConnell made a dramatic, long, drawn out entrance with his entourage on marble floors to speak before the press at the podium inside the Capitol when, at the last minute Chuck Schumer, wearing a mask, jumped out in front of him to steal the mic. Who was that masked man?

Sorry Moscow Mitch, it’s just business.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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