Butt Plugs and Dildos

Spike Dolomite
4 min readDec 12, 2022

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Baby it’s frigid outside

Ron DeSantis’s best friend, Kent Stermon, committed suicide after being implicated in a sex case. He found out he was under investigation over allegations of sexual misconduct a couple of weeks ago. He and DeSantis have been “besties” for a really long time. He was on DeSantis’s transition team and then after he won DeSantis appointed him to the board of governors for the Florida State University system in 2019. He was a big shot in Florida Republican politics, a mega donor, a close friend of the mayor of Jacksonville, where he shot himself in the head sitting in a post office parking lot a few days ago. The head of law enforcement was a close personal friend, too. Did he pal around with Matt Gaetz and Joel Greenberg as well? Joel Greenberg was recently sentenced to prison after giving up all sorts of information on other people that the FBI has been investigating, some had to do with sex trafficking.

Kent Sermon served on the board for the Boys and Girls Club. If he’s anything like the dozens of other Republicans who have been making the news lately, he could have been having sex with boys and girls.

Speaking of well connected movers and shakers in Florida politics, former Congressman David Rivera was arrested by federal authorities in connection with a $50 million consulting contract he had with a government owned Venezuelan oil company. One of the charges he faces is failing to register as a foreign agent. He was under contract during the time that the president of Venezuela, Nicolas Maduro, was trying to cut some deals with Trump when he was in the White House.

More MAGAs have been sentenced to prison by one judge for their role in the insurrection. Before they were sentenced, the judge told them all that they should travel outside of the country and get acquainted with people who are living under oppressive governments like the one they were part of trying to install. These idiots not only never venture outside of US borders, they never leave their bubble.

Insurrectionists Nicholas Ochs and Nicholas DeCarlo were sentenced to 4 years in prison. Ochs is the founder of the Proud Boys in Hawaii. DeCarlo wrote the words, “Murder the Media” with a marker on a Capitol door and both of them rummaged through a police officer’s bag and took some handcuffs. Nicholas Ochs was endorsed by Roger Stone when he ran for the state House of Representatives. He also had the endorsement of Hawaii’s Republican Party.

The Proud Boys trial starts this week. They provided security for Roger Stone and Alex Jones so the two of them should be very nervous today. The not-so-proud-now boys are not going to want to go to jail for the rest of their lives so they’re bound to cut a deal with the feds and give up info on both Stone and Jones.

Marjorie Taylor Greene was in Manhattan last night, speaking at a Young Republicans event. Their president, Gavin Wax said, “We want total war…in the streets.” Marjorie told the crowd, “If Steve Bannon and I had orchestrated January 6th, we would have won. Not to mention we would have been armed.” A sitting member of Congress bragged about being treasonous over the weekend. When she says they would have won she means they would have taken over the government.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is an ally of Kevin McCarthy who wants to be Speaker of the House. He’s pandering to her because he needs the Freedom Caucus vote to win the speakership, and she is their queen. They’re all traitors to the country and he’s kissing up to them to get their votes.

Marjorie Taylor Greene wants to defund the DOJ and only give them money for prosecuting sex trafficking or drugs coming across the border. The woman is obsessed with sex while presenting herself as a good, straight Christian lady (never mind that she’s an adulterer who is getting divorced.) During her speech to the young Republicans, she told them they could get butt plugs and dildos at Target and CVS.

Marjorie Taylor Greene claims that she is in talks with Trump to be his running mate in 2024 which is doubtful. She’s not his type.

Marjorie Taylor Greene supports Alex Jones, who just declared bankruptcy to get out of paying Sandy Hook families. He was ordered to pay another half a billion and a judge froze his assets. Bankruptcy court ordered Alex Jones to stop running his company, InfoWars, but he’s still doing it.

Alex Jones has participated in orgies during his InfoWars broadcast (was Marjorie there and did she bring the butt plugs and dildos?) He also sent a naked picture of his wife to Roger Stone.

After Trump won in 2016, Trump called Alex Jones and thanked him for his help. He gave him press credentials to gain entry to the White House and said he’d like to be on his show again.

The Select Committee has two years worth of Alex Jones’ text messages.

Alex Jones also has the support of Roger Stone, Trump, Joe Rogan, and JD Vance, to name a few. The Select Committee will be presenting its final report next week and will publicly name the people they are going to recommend for indictment to the DOJ. It’s already leaked that they’re going to name Alex Jones, Roger Stone, and Trump.

Butt plugs will come in handy for the MAGA dildos who will be pooping themselves once the committee says their names out loud on national television.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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