Caligula

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 14, 2019

Lives and careers were ruined because of McCarthyism. Livelihoods and reputations were destroyed. Now here we are, 70 years later and Republicans are totally cool with Russia infiltrating our government. Russians are everywhere. Cool! Many a Republican livelihood has improved because of the Russians.

Ted Cruz says people outside of Washington DC don’t care anything about the Russia investigation. He grew a beard. Is he trying to look like a “bro” now? Is Ted Cruz a bro?

Reporters asked Trump if he was working for Russia. He was insulted. “I never worked for Russia and you know that answer better than anybody. I never worked for Russia. Not only did I never work for Russia, I think it’s a disgrace that you even asked that question because it’s a whole big fat hoax. It’s just a hoax.”

Reporters asked the president of the United States if he worked for Russia. That has never happened before.

House Democrats attempted to subpoena the interpreter who attended the Trump-Putin summit back in July but they were blocked by the Republicans. Reverse McCarthyism.

The last remaining group of voters who still solidly support Trump are white men over 45 without a college education. They make up about 20% of the country. Trump and the Republicans are pandering to 20% of the country.

Federal aviation safety inspectors haven’t been inspecting anything for 2 weeks because of the Trump Shutdown. They’re considered “nonessential workers.” Houston’s George Bush Intercontinental Airport had to close a TSA security checkpoint due to a staffing shortage.

This is day 24 of the Trump Shutdown and the Republicans could give a shit. They don’t care that Americans have missed their rent and mortgage payments, can’t get medical treatment, or can’t afford to get to work just so they can work for free. They. Do. Not. Care. This is just a game to them. National news isn’t conveying the real impact of how the shutdown is hurting real people but local news stations do. It’s bad.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez called the Republicans out for not being able to conceive of a life where people don’t casually maintain 2 homes.

Colorado’s outdoor economy is losing $1.9 million per day because of the Trump Shutdown. Tourists are cancelling their plans.

Trump tweeted that he’s excited to go to Nashville. He’s going to New Orleans.

There’s an active shooter at a UPS facility in New Jersey — just another Monday morning in America.

PG&E, the utility company that is responsible for the worst fire in California history, is filing for bankruptcy. They don’t have enough insurance to pay billions in claims. Screw the now homeless consumer and let’s get back to business! It’s easy because we are the competition! We’re the only game in town and we just filed for bankruptcy! Ha ha!

Teachers in Los Angeles are on strike today, putting the second largest school district in chaos. They’re striking for better pay and working conditions which include a full time librarian and full time nurse at all schools (you read that right, LA schools don’t have fully functioning libraries with librarians nor are students’ health issues taken care of by a qualified health care professional,) lower class sizes (kids are crammed into classrooms forcing some to sit on counter tops, making it impossible for teachers to get to know students and compounding the work load for teachers,) and reduced district testing (the district tests the shit of the poor kids making it hard for teachers to actually teach and for the kids to actually learn — they just memorize.) The school board is run by big money, pro-charter, public education destroying Betsy DeVos soldiers. Teachers must be victorious. Not just for L.A. but for public education as an institution.

House oversight chair, Elijah Cummings, has put Trump on notice: Don’t fuck with us.

This is the most corrupt government since Caligula’s Rome.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.