Casual News Consumers Say What?

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 4, 2020

Our day begins with Moscow Mitch bitching on the Senate floor about the Democrats and arguing for Trump’s acquittal — “That is the original sin of his presidency…..that he won, and they lost……..Tomorrow the Senate must do what we were created to do…….We must vote to reject the House’s abuse of power……..Vote to acquit the president of these charges.” Casual news consumers switched the channel to see what else was on TV because the Democrats are socialists.

Trump is bragging about a big win in Iowa last night and Mike Pompeo is bragging about trashing the media as he travels abroad. Lindsey Graham said, “Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize” and casual news consumers have seen the last 24 hours of news and are thinking that the Democrats are whiny little bitches because they don’t understand the Iowa caucus.

Trump tweeted: The Democrat Caucus is an unmitigated disaster. Nothing works, just like they ran the Country. Remember the 5 Billion Dollar Obamacare Website, that should have cost 2% of that. The only person that can claim a very big victory in Iowa last night is “Trump”.

Trump is compiling a post-impeachment enemies list and Bolton is at the top of it. He wants Bolton criminally prosecuted. Casual news consumers say, “Who’s Bolton?”

The traditional lunch for the media prior to the State of the Union starts soon. Trump didn’t invite CNN. Casual news consumers say, “Ha! CNN is fake news!”

51 senators blocked witness testimony and abdicated their Constitutional duty and tomorrow they will vote to acquit him. Our checks and balances is failing because a political party is entirely corrupt. Casual news consumers don’t know what checks and balances are.

Rush Limbaugh has advanced lung cancer. He won’t be able to breathe on his own before too long and that’s ironic since he made fun of Eric Garner for not being able to breathe and laughed out loud when Ruth Bader Ginsburg got cancer. The man who shows no empathy to anyone else is going to be in need of some and who will give it to him? Ditto Heads and casual news consumers.

There is new phone video out of Trump making a total ass out of himself at his private Super Bowl party at Mar-a-Lago when everybody stood and put their hands on their hearts during the national anthem except for him. He danced, pretended to conduct the band, and looked around to see who was paying attention to him. Look at me! Look at me! The same guy who demonized black football players for taking a knee during the national anthem to protest police brutality against black people mocked the national anthem. Casual news consumers don’t think it’s a big deal. Everybody gets a little wild during the Super Bowl.

The video was posted on Instagram by a real estate agent for a Russian-American firm. He spends a lot of time at Mar-a-Lago and other Trump properties and events. Casual news consumers don’t have a clue what that could possibly mean.

Republican Senator Lamar Alexander is telling voters they should remember how many GOP priorities Trump has accomplished if they’re going to think about the stuff he did wrong. In other words, never mind treason if your 401K is doing all right and everybody who isn’t white is kept in their place. Casual news consumers say, “Hell ya!”

Token Republican vagina fun fact: Now Alaska is known for its Republican women, Lisa Murkowski and Sarah Palin. Both will go down in history for having a rare feminine role in the Republican Party — the demise of the GOP. Murkowski got the job originally by being handed the seat by her dad, who had it but gave it up so he could be governor. Once governor, he appointed her to take his seat 18 years ago. It’s been easy to keep because Alaskans aren’t even casual news consumers. They don’t know what the hell is going on. That’s why it was easy for Palin to win the governor’s race. It’s easy to win when all you need are the hockey moms to show up and vote.

The Beach Boys are supposed to play for a trophy hunting convention. Junior will be there. Brian Wilson said no way. He won’t have anything to do with this. He’s boycotting the gig. Casual news consumers are going to boycott the Beach Boys now.

The State of the Union is tonight. Lots of casual news consumers will be tuning in. If Trump doesn’t blow it and stays on script, this could be good for him because the casual news consumers will think that everything that they have heard about Trump being incompetent isn’t true. On the other hand, if he goes off script and rolls into full on MAGA rally mode, it will be just what the country needs. Finally, casual news consumers will see him.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.