Pull your pants up, patriots. Trump has really lost it. Things are really closing in on him. He’s really, really freaked out and flying by the seat of his pants.
With news of Michael Cohen possibly flipping, the Carter Page FISA warrant, Maria Butina sitting in jail, and Paul Manafort’s trial starting this week, Trump is backed up against the wall and he has really shit his pants.
Late last night he tried to beat the pants off of Iran, in a tweet:
“To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!”
To scare the pants off of everybody, he keeps tweeting. He has tweeted 9 times this morning, so far:
“So we now find out that it was indeed the unverified and Fake Dirty Dossier, that was paid for by Crooked Hillary Clinton and the DNC, that was knowingly & falsely submitted to FISA and which was responsible for starting the totally conflicted and discredited Mueller Witch Hunt!”
“It was classified to cover up misconduct by the FBI and the Justice Department in misleading the Court by using this Dossier in a dishonest way to gain a warrant to target the Trump Team. This is a Clinton Campaign document. It was a fraud and a hoax designed to target Trump and the DOJ, FBI and Obama Gang need to be held to account. Source #1 was the major source. Avoided talking about it being the Clinton campaign behind it. Misled the Court to provide a pretext to SPY on the Trump Team. Not about Carter Page. was all about getting Trump. ‘Carter Page wasn’t a spy, wasn’t an agent of the Russians — he would have cooperated with the FBI. It was a fraud and a hoax designed to target Trump.’ Tom Fitton @JudicialWatch A disgrace to America. They should drop the discredited Mueller Witch Hunt now!”
“When you hear the Fake News talking negatively about my meeting with President Putin, and all that I gave up, remember, I gave up NOTHING, we merely talked about future benefits for both countries. Also, we got along very well, which is a good thing, except for the Corrupt Media!”
“A Rocket has not been launched by North Korea in 9 months. Likewise, no Nuclear Tests. Japan is happy, all of Asia is happy. But the Fake News is saying, without ever asking me (always anonymous sources), that I am angry because it is not going fast enough. Wrong, very happy!”
“The Amazon Washington Post has gone crazy against me ever since they lost the Internet Tax Case in the U.S. Supreme Court two months ago. Next up is the U.S. Post Office which they use, at a fraction of real cost, as their ‘delivery boy’ for a BIG percentage of their packages. In my opinion the Washington Post is nothing more than an expensive (the paper loses a fortune) lobbyist for Amazon. Is it used as protection against antitrust claims which many feel should be brought?”
Racist Georgia state representative, Jason Spencer, is in the news this morning. He’s the guy who once proposed a bill that would have banned Muslim women from covering their heads with a hijab. He also warned a black Democrat that she might “go missing” if she tries to remove Confederate statues. Sacha Baron Cohen got him to pull down his pants and yell, “America!” while backing his big fat bare butt up into Sacha posing as a mock terrorist for his “Who is America?” show. The idea was to have elected officials participate in an anti-terrorism training video. This particular exercise was meant to humiliate ISIS members by making a homosexual threat so they’ll drop their guns. Spencer also used the n-word a lot and pretended to be a Chinese tourist so he could dupe women wearing burkas into being distracted enough for him to slip a selfie stick under their burkas to see if they’re really men with guns strapped to their thighs. He’s in a whole lot of trouble this morning, needless to say, so he’s got a lawyer. He’s going to sue the pants off of liberals. He says, “It is clear the makers of this film intended to deceive me in an attempt to undermine the American conservative political movement.” He plans to “take action if and when any of this fraudulently obtained footage of me is used by these Hollywood liberals to line their own pockets.” Those damn liberals — they’re always forcing conservatives to pull down their pants and yell the n-word on camera so they can line their own pockets.
Pull up your big boy and girl pants, America. This is going to be a rough week.
ACTION ITEM FOR TODAY: Call your representatives and ask that they invoke the 25th amendment. He is provoking war on social media. He is not in his right mind and is unfit to lead.