Cave Man

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 26, 2019

Trump admitted defeat in the Rose Garden and re-opened the government. He said that “they” had made a deal. There was no deal. He caved. He got his ass kicked by Nancy Pelosi.

He probably did it to so that The Man with the Nixon Tattoo getting arrested and LaGuardia Airport closing itself due to a lack of air traffic controllers because of the Trump Shutdown could be knocked out of the headlines.

Trump signed the bill to end the longest shutdown in US history, the shutdown that he himself started. The government will be open until February 15.

Nancy Pelosi kicked his ass twice is one week. No wonder the Republicans hate her so much and did their evil best to destroy her so she couldn’t be Speaker again.

When the teleprompter read, “Talk about human trafficking,” Trump went off on a tangent about women being smuggled across the border with tape over their mouths. Nobody knows where he got such a stupid idea.

Trump said that federal workers hadn’t complained and that they are “very very special people” and he’s glad they are citizens of our country.

“Ms Nancy is not gonna give you that wall” — Faye Smith, government worker

Roger Stone was released on a $250K bond. He called in to InfoWars and talked to Alex Jones before talking to the crowd and cameras waiting for him outside the court house. He was met with heckles, boos, and chants of “Traitor!” and “Lock him up!”

All of the agents who took part in arresting Roger Stone were not getting paid.

Trump’s campaign is mentioned 2 dozen times in Roger Stone’s indictment. It shows a link between Trump’s campaign and WikiLeaks. It mentions a senior campaign official telling Steve Bannon to direct Roger Stone to contact WikiLeaks to get stolen emails of Hillary Clinton and the DNC. There was only one senior campaign official above Steve Bannon: Trump.

If Steve Bannon is not cooperating with Bob Mueller then he’ll be one of the next to be indicted.

While everyone else was reporting on Stone’s arrest, Fox was reporting on an audience member being in the bathroom when her name was called to be a contestant on the Price is Right.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that Roger Stone getting arrested has nothing to do with Trump.

1 million federal contract workers, including some in the most strenuous and shittiest paying jobs will not get any back pay for the Trump shutdown. They’re not going to be able to bounce back.

“It’s nice to see the guy who wrote The Art of the Deal bring the country to its knees for absolutely nothing” — Albert Brooks

Trump was never the CEO of any major corporation. He has never had to answer to any board of directors. It’s just been him and his 3 oldest kids. It’s a family home based business (Trump Tower.) Their business? Ripping people off and selling the Trump brand for dirty money.

“If Individual-1 was the CEO of a public company, he would be summarily dismissed by his board of directors and shareholders for colossal mismanagement.” — Richard Stengel

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Republicans have always known that he’s no businessman but they’ve gone along with the con and have let him think he was a good businessman so he’d sign whatever they put in front of him.

“A man who inherited and laundered his wealth and hasn’t worked an ‘honest’ day in his life convinced a swathe of white working class people that he is their savior. It’s the biggest con job in American history and Trump pulled it off by using racism, misogyny and fear”. — Ryan Knight

Trump has a 37% approval rating. Who are these people?

Conservative media turned on their boy and started calling the wall a cave.

Ann Coulter is mad she’s not president any more.

Without the right wing media, Trump is a man without a wall or a cave.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.