Cheek to Cheek

MAGA cult members have Trump covered in case he shits himself

White House aides can’t believe that Brad Parscale didn’t catch the cheeky thousands of Dick Hurtz, Mike Hunt, Seymore Butz, and Ura Kunt that were registered for Trump’s MAGA rally in Tulsa.

Trump was so mad he didn’t start tweeting until 10 pm last night. Someone is going to pay. Who will it be? Brad Parscale isn’t worried. He says he’s already been fired 85 weeks in a row. He’s taking it on the chin and cheek and blaming the liberals — “Leftists and online trolls doing a victory lap, thinking they somehow impacted rally attendance, don’t know what they’re talking about or how our rallies work.”


Trump is teeing up a rigged election. He tweeted this out a couple of weeks ago: The United States cannot have all Mail In Ballots. It will be the greatest Rigged Election in history. People grab them from mailboxes, print thousands of forgeries and “force” people to sign. Also, forge names. Some absentee OK, when necessary. Trying to use Covid for this Scam!

“More people are killed by deer in a year than have ever been proven to commit voter fraud at a given time.” — Garlin Gilchrist, Lt. Gov. of Michigan

Kentucky has slashed polling places by 95% ahead of its primary. Lexington and Louisville have one polling station for one million people.

“6,200 people at Trump rally in Tulsa. Acts that had bigger crowds at the same venue in 2019: Sha Na Na, The Pips (w/o Gladys Knight,) Loverboy, John Tesh, The West Virginia Touring Company of La Traviata” — Al Franken

The dumb shit is supposed to speak at a Students for Trump event tomorrow in Arizona where the coronavirus cases have doubled in 2 weeks (more than 20% of tests came back positive a couple of days ago.) The Trump Plague is spiking like his disapproval ratings. TikTok teens are on it. Help the kids out by reserving your tickets here.

John Bolton’s book comes out tomorrow so he’s out there giving interviews. Reporters who have been given advance copies are releasing excerpts and some guy got ahold of a copy and downloaded it on Google Docs so nobody has to pay Bolton any money to read what we already know. He witnessed a lot of treasonous behavior and he did nothing to stop it, taking notes and flapping his butt cheeks the whole time so he could write a book and cash in on treason. He doesn’t care about the country, he just cares about the fate of the Republican party.

Washington Post reporter and co-author of A Very Stable Genius, Philip Rucker, said, “Right now he is a grounded vessel — trapped by covid-19, by the social justice movement, by the Supreme Court saying he circumvented the law, and by Bolton saying that he’s an idiot.”

The only thing on Trump’s schedule today is eating. He’s having lunch with Mike Pence who will sincerely nod and wipe hunks of food and spittle off of Trump’s chin and cheeks.

Mike Pence won’t say “black lives matter.” He’ll only say, “all lives matter.”

Obama’s national security advisor, Susan Rice, says the Trump administration is racist to its core and the Senate backers belong in “trash heap of history.”

White trash.

The only black driver in NASCAR, Bubba Watson, found a noose in his team garage. It was left there by MAGA white trash.

Confederate statues are coming down all across the country. Bright white Matt Schlapp, chairman of the American Conservative Union, is warning people that the Black Lives Matter mobs are coming for statues of Jesus next.

Jesus wasn’t white. Or a homophobe. Or a gun nut. Or a Christian.

Right wing talking head Dinesh D’Souza says we need a revival of private militias to protect them from The Left.

One of Trump’s many kiss butt cheek advisers, Peter Navarro, went on CNN to chuckle and say Trump making light of 120,000 people dying from the Trump Plague at this flop rally was just “tongue in cheek.”

Everybody in the White House featured in Bolton’s book who is still there is dancing cheek to cheek, confident that they’ll keep getting away with pillage and murder for as long as they want to.

John Bolton wrote a book because they wouldn’t let him cut in.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.