Coronavirus Review

Spike Dolomite
10 min readSep 13, 2020

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Now that we know that the president of the United States knew from the get go that the coronavirus was as contagious and deadly as it is and that he is personally responsible for killing hundreds of thousands of his own people, let’s review:

The Center for Disease Control, back when it was respected and trusted before Trump destroyed it like he has everything else, issued its first warning on January 8 and said that the coronavirus was here and could be a big problem. The Associated Press first reported on the outbreak in China on December 31. Trump held MAGA rallies on Jan 9, 14, 28, and 30. After Trump was briefed about how deadly and contagious it was, he held more MAGA rallies on Feb 7 (the day he was briefed,) Feb 10, 18, 19, 20, 21, 28, March 2 and 5. While he should have been listening to contagious diseases experts and preparing the country, he golfed on Jan 17, 18, 19, 23, 31, Feb 1, 2, 14,15, 16, and Mar 6,7, 8, 9. The first time he admitted publicly that the coronavirus might be a problem was on March 13 after Seattle and New York City lost thousands of people and health care workers and were forced to set up makeshift hospitals on sports fields, in college dorms and parking lots. Too many people saw it on TV so he had to say something so he blamed it on China. He and the Republicans started calling it the Wuhan Virus. The US’s response to the pandemic was, and still is, the worst in the world. The US has not been cooperating with the World Health Organization because Trump doesn’t like them.

On January 22 Trump said, “It’s one person coming in from China. It’s going to be just fine.” On February 26 he said, “The 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero.” On March 7 he said, “No, I’m not concerned at all.”

Our response is the worst in the world but we were prepared for this. Obama had formed a pandemic response team in 2014 but Trump had fired everybody. When the press confronted him about that he said he could hire them back whenever he felt like it but he never did.

Pence announced that the president would continue to shake hands with people and that they were pleased to report that they had 2,500 test kits after promising that there would be a test for every American. They would continue to claim that millions of tests had gone out when they didn’t. Trump said that they inherited “a very broken test.” His latest press secretary went on Fox News and said that “Obama Biden” never made good on their vaccine promise. He had been president for 3 years when the coronavirus hit. There was no test to inherit and there was no vaccine to promise.

Trump started holding coronavirus briefings but he banned reporters from attending so they could get their stories straight. Republicans kept talking about it as a bad flu. They bickered about a stimulus bill to help ordinary Americans weather the crisis. They didn’t want people making more money on unemployment than they do working because then they’d never want to go back to work. Lindsey Graham specifically said that he didn’t want nurses to make $24 an hour on unemployment.

Governor Cuomo in New York pleaded with Trump to invoke the Defense Production Act so he could direct manufacturers to produce medical equipment for his state. Trump said, “nope.” He’d only do that in a “worse case scenario.” Doctors in New York were having to choose who should live and who should die based upon the amount of life saving equipment they had on hand but that wasn’t a worse case scenario. Nurses and doctors said they had never seen anything like it and lost confidence in the CDC. Protocols changed minute by minute, people were piled up in emergency rooms and hallways, and refrigerator trucks were parked outside to handle the overflow of dead bodies but that wasn’t a worse case scenario. Trump treated states like reality TV contestants who were expected to compete with each other to get what they needed to keep their health care workers alive. He phoned in to Sean Hannity’s show and said, “A lot of equipment is being asked for that I don’t think they will need.”

1,000 hospital workers died because Trump didn’t get them the protective equipment to save American lives.

Doctors from other countries have flown in to help. That’s another first. We usually fly our doctors to other countries to help. We’re third world now.

Over 100,000 members in the military have been infected and over 6,000 have died. They didn’t die for their country. They died for Trump.

Postal workers, grocery store workers, meat packing plant workers, and migrant workers who Trump and the Republicans regularly bash, blame and call illegal, were all deemed essential workers and had to sacrifice their health and the health of their families to report for duty as essential workers. Some of them and their family members died. Since people were too freaked out to leave their houses to buy anything they ordered online from Amazon which put Jeff Bezos’s workers at risk and made him a bigger billionaire than he already was. He didn’t give them essential worker pay. That cut into his profit margin.

In April, Trump used Jesus to get people back to work. He set the re-open date for all 50 states for Easter Sunday because everything was under control. Pence told the public, “Our best scientists and health experts assess that states today have enough tests to implement the criteria of phase one if they choose to do so” which was total bullshit. Trump gave himself an out by saying, “If it does come back, it’s not going to come back, it’s not going to be like it was. We have much better containment now.” Churches obliged Trump by filling their pews. Congregants got infected and spread it out into their communities like a climate change wildfire in California. One pastor in Louisiana with 300 parishioners said he wasn’t worried at all. “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated. We hold our religious rights dear and we are going to assemble no matter what.”

After the virus hit Capitol Hill and members of Congress started getting it Trump said, “It’s one of those things” and then refused to get tested. “I don’t think we need to do it. I feel very good. I see no reason to do it. It will go away. Just stay calm. It will go away.” Rand Paul got it, knew he had it, and kept showing up to work with it without telling anybody he had it. Now Trump gets tested every day.

Trump has been managing the pandemic crisis like he has his small business, the Trump Organization. He’s got a small group of grifters, ass kissers, and diabolical sadists on his team. The most powerful government in the world has had vacancies in positions that are critical to manage a highly contagious, deadly virus but instead Trump has “acting” officials — people who are totally unqualified for the jobs they hold so can boss them around in the Department of Homeland Security, Federal Emergency Management Agency, National Intelligence, and Transportation Security Administration. THERE IS NOBODY IN CHARGE.

Trump made Mike Pence the head of his COVID 19 task force. THERE IS NOBODY IN CHARGE.

“This pandemic has fully, finally torn back the curtain on the idea that so many folks in charge know what they’re doing.” — President Barack Obama

As things continued to spread, Trump started blaming the media. He accused them of making something out of nothing and lying about how many cases there were. He said the media are “very devious people and in many cases very bad people. We were very prepared. The only thing we weren’t prepared for was the media. The media has not treated it fairly.”

After laying the blame at the feet of the media he then dubbed the pandemic a Democratic hoax and kicked all of the responsibility over to the states. Democratic governors shut their states down and implemented social distancing and mask mandates and that started a war between people who wanted to live and Trump’s cult following. They believed the virus was a hoax and saw the mask as a libtard symbol. Their attitude was oh well! People die. About 2.8 million American die every year so quit making such a big deal out of the flu! They started storming state capitols with guns and threatened police, legislators and governors and demanded they reopen their states or else. None of them were shot by the cops because all of them were white. They were making a political statement in support of their cult leader who had told them all not to believe the media, elected leaders or public health officials.

While Trump kept bashing the media and going on Fox to spread dangerous lies, Fox was practicing safety guidelines in the studio while telling its audience that the virus was a hoax. Trump got the idea of ingesting bleach, shining UV light into your body and taking hydroxychloroquine from watching Fox. Sean Hannity kept telling his viewers that the media (he’s not the media) was lying to them. Laura Ingraham called Democrats the panDEMic party. Fox and Friends encouraged people to get on a plane and fly somewhere. It’s just the flu.

When the Dow fell 3,000 points that’s when Trump started to care. All of the gains that he made during his presidency that he personally took credit for were wiped away. He downplayed the plandemic to keep the stock market humming. GET BACK TO WORK! The stock market needs you! Trouble ensued between public health experts who wanted to get things under control and Republican governors who wanted to reopen hair salons and bars. Republicans thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask seniors and sick people to sacrifice themselves for the economy.

He claims now that he never said anything about how deadly things were because he didn’t want people to panic. He didn’t want the markets to panic.

Trump used his power to punish blue states by withholding federal aid. He let hospitals go without ventilators and PPE and accused governors of asking for too much. It’s not the federal government’s job to bail out the states, he said. The ventilators that he had the power to deliver were HIS ventilators and if you want any, you better beg. He framed any requests as “Democratic demands.” We had an impeached president using another quid pro quo on desperate states in need of urgent help from the federal government in order to save lives.

Trump shut down travel from China to look tough on germs and tough on China and took credit for saving millions of lives. Trump threated to cut travel in and out of states he didn’t like too. The rest of the world shut their borders off to Americans. They didn’t want us spreading the Trump Plague in their countries. Irony of all ironies, Mexico closed its border to the US. Canada, too. Justin Trudeau implemented a Quarantine Act which meant you’d get prison time if you jeopardized your fellow Canadians by not staying home for 14 days after being outside of the country. Canada just had its first day of no deaths because Trump is not their president. Meanwhile in America MAGAs will spit and cough in your face if you ask them to put on a mask.

Once the pandemic advanced to the point where it impacted more than changing routines and disrupting lives, and started killing so many people that deaths became more than numbers of cases reported by the fake news and rose to mean actual people that we all knew, Trump got desperate and took to doing press briefings himself so he could be in everybody’s homes on a daily basis so he could repeat the same lies and give medical advice such as take hydroxychloroquine, ingest household cleaners, or shine UV light up your butt. Fox News helped.

Today, 7 months later, a new school year has started and teachers have been forced back to work, joining the ranks of undervalued, uncompensated essential workers for the sake of the economy. Kids can take it. They’re immune! Schools are closing as fast as they open because the country does not have control of this thing. At the same time, Trump is still trying to get the Supreme Court to kill the Affordable Care Act. Nearly 200,000 people have died gasping for air, all alone, because Trump was worried about the stock market and wanted to stick it to the Dems. Trump is promising a vaccine before election day. Watch him slap his name on the seasonal flu vaccine and try and pass it off as the antidote. Republicans are spinning “herd immunity” so they can win elections in November. In order for that to happen, 2 million people would have to die. That’s fine with them just so long as they’re all Democrats, immigrants and Black.

The only end in sight is if Trump and all of the Republicans running are voted out of office on November 3. They are leveraging the coronavirus to keep people from voting. They’re messing with the post office, confusing voters about how to vote by mail and scaring the crap out of people so they won’t go out and vote in person.

51 more days.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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