Crazy for You

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 1, 2021

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It’s only been 12 days since democracy was restored to America and instead of the GOP settling in where it should, it is having a psychotic breakdown. It’s totally off its meds now with Trump and Q in control. Trump is running the Republican Party from his private club. Mar-a-Lago is now the Mecca for the GOP. He’s got $32 million in a PAC to play with and is actively suckering delusional MAGAs into sending him more money to “defend” him. Republicans are flying to south Florida to meet with the Godfather instead of staying in DC to solve unprecedented, catastrophic problems that Trump left in his wake. MAGA militia co-sponsor Senator Josh Hawley keeps exercising his first amendment rights while exploiting his unbelievable privilege to write op-eds, go on Fox News and write a book about how he’s being censored by the elitist Democrats who he keeps referring to as “radical.” What’s more radical than trying to overtake the US government? More disturbing information is coming out about the insurrection on January 6. The corrupted Capitol Police and Department of Defense were in on it. 140 officers were seriously injured during the attack but more and more officers have been found to be part of it. 20% of those arrested have served in the military. Instead of speaking out against the insurrectionists within their own party, Republicans are censoring those who voted to impeach Trump. Last night a sitting member of Congress tweeted about anti-Trump pedophiles and Alan Dershowitz nominated Jared Kushner for the Nobel Peace Prize. The GOP is an out of control, feces spinning shit show and needs to be institutionalized for its own good and the safety of the country. It’s nuts.

A new memo has surfaced that reveals that the January 6 riot was a planned insurrection and that the acting Defense Secretary, Christopher Miller, used his power to make sure that the National Guard was useless so that Trump’s militia had the time and space to storm the Capitol, stop Congress from certifying the election, kill some legislators and the vice president, and keep their mad king Trump in power.

Remember when Trump used graffiti on federal property as an excuse to send in his secret police to arrest and attack BLM protesters but when his followers broke into a federal building and destroyed property and stole stuff he just sat in his bedroom in his underwear, watching it all unfold on TV, and laughed and laughed like a maniacal mad man.

Here’s a sampling of some of the lunatics who have been arrested so far: An ex-cop from Houston claimed he only broke into the Capitol during the riot to see historical art, Jessica Watson who served in Afghanistan and is the current commander of a local armed militia called the Ohio Regular Militia which is a formal unit of the Oath Keepers was there using her training to organize bat shit crazy MAGAts, Robert Bauer met a friendly cop who shook his hand and told him, “This is your house now” and then they hugged and took selfies, Guy Reffitt’s 2 kids told the cops that their dad threatened to shoot them if they turned him in, a former grocery store worker who lives in a converted school bus, Brandon Fellows, posted a video of himself smoking pot with his feet propped up on a table in Senator Jeff Merkley’s office with the caption that he’d be incriminated now, a New Jersey Naval Weapons Station and US Army Reserves member and self confessed “avowed white supremacist and Nazi sympathizer,” Timothy Louis Hale-Cusanelli, directed the mob to “advance,” Linda MaGovern impersonated a police officer, and Suzanne Ianni organized buses to transport MAGAs to the Capitol where she then wrapped herself up in a anti-LGBTQ “Straight Pride” flag and yelled about freedom.

Trump’s loyalists are mentally ill. Half of the country is mentally ill. They’re not all going to wake up from their Trump trance and move on into the real world. They don’t want to be woke. They’re searching for another coo-coo community to belong to.

QAnons should have to register like sex offenders so the public knows who to look out for.

Trump found 2 new sleazy lawyers to represent him in his trial at the midnight hour. Bruce Castor was the district attorney in Pennsylvania who refused to prosecute Bill Cosby. David Schoen is a mob attorney who once represented Roger Stone and visited Jeffrey Epstein in jail days before he was found dead. 2 wild and crazy guys who are crazy for Trump.

8 senators who voted to overturn the election will serve as jurors in Trump’s trial next week. They’re all witnesses, victims and survivors and now they get to be jurors for the same crime that they have already decided is over. Trump won’t be convicted. THIS. IS. INSANE.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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