Criminals

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 12, 2023

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Inflation is now at a new low of 3% — the 12th consecutive month of declines. Republicans ran on inflation in 2022, remember? Even though they lost are they celebrating this new low? No! Because they don’t care about the country. It’s party and power over country so they won’t be commenting on inflation today. All they’ve accomplished so far, with the majority in the House, is bogus investigations into the Bidens starring a Chinese spy and an invisible man as witnesses, infighting, and a sloppy continuation of the insurgence from within. They’re all a bunch of criminals.

It doesn’t look like there is a recession on the horizon which again, is great for the country but bad for Republicans. They won’t be able to run against it next year. Every single one of them voted against the Inflation Reduction Act in August of 2022. Every. Single. One.

Several lawyers who had business before the Supreme Court paid money to a top aide for Clarence Thomas, via Venmo, the preferred cash app for drug dealers and criminals. The memo on the transactions was “Christmas party.”

In the middle of the night in Iowa, Republicans voted to outlaw abortion. The law bans abortion at 6 weeks when most women dont even know they’re pregnant. 71% of the women in the state are opposed to outlawing abortion but the Republicans did it anyway. State representative Brad Sherman said on the House floor, “If they’re not prepared to have a baby, don’t have sex.”

Georgia was the first state to enact a “fetal personhood” law after Roe v Wade was overturned. The state granted an embryo or fetus full legal rights and recognition as a person. One of the parents of the fetus can claim an unborn child on their taxes if there is heartbeat. Does that mean that they can take out a life insurance policy and collect on it if there is a miscarriage?

Democrats really need to start passing laws regulating wieners. Masturbation should be a crime. Wasted sperm is the loss of potential life. Make bored men who can’t get laid criminals.

Meanwhile in Arizona, Governor Katie Hobbs has made it possible for sexually active women to get birth control pills without a prescription.

In Florida, Farmers Insurance has dropped 100,000 policies. State Farm, Allstate, and several smaller companies are dumping Floridians too. Since DeSantis was elected, homeowners have seen their home insureanc premiums double and even triple, leaving insurance unaffordable for many. Soon rich people won’t be able to get insurance either because nobody will insure them.

Trump has asked the judge overseeing the espionage case to postpone his trial until after the election.

Judge Amy Bierman Jackson denied Trump’s request to not have to sit for a deposition in a case where he’s being sued by Pete Strzok, the former FBI agent who worked on the Russia probe who Trump went after as a member of the fictitious Deep State, and got him fired after he sicced the IRS on him. He weaponized the government by having the IRS investigate him. Former chief of staff John Kelly will have to testify, too.

Leslie Van Houten, one of the followers of Charles Manson who killed two people because he told her to, was released on parole 52 years after her conviction. Republicans in Iowa and Georgia think that women who have abortions are as bad as Leslie Van Houten.

In happier news, Yusef Salaam, one of the five teenagers who was convicted in the 1989 Central Park jogger case and spent nearly a decade in prison before the judgments were overturned, was voted in as a member of the Harlem City Council. Trump had taken out a full page ad in the New York Times calling for the execution of the Central Park 5. He never took it back, even after they were all exonerated. They weren’t criminals.

FBI Director Christopher Wray is being interrogated by the House Judiciary Committee right now, led by Jim Jordan. Republicans are using their time to spread conspiracy theories and set the FBI up for being in service to the Bidens. Democrats are using their time to remind the public of how many crimes were committed during Trump’s reign. Congressman Ted Lieu of California went down the list of attorneys general who were appointed by Trump and then the list of Trump associates who were convicted to show that the FBI wasn’t soft on crime. “It is not the fault of the FBI that Donald Trump surrounded himself with criminals.” Congressman Eric Swalwell, also from California, told Chris Wray that he thought it was ironic that Jim Jordan was going after him, given than he’s a wanted man. “I think it’s quite rich the guy that accused you of lawlessness is 400 days in violation of his own congressional subpoena over January 6th.” Matt Gaetza from Florida did what he always does and used his time to perform for the cameras and bully Chris Wray. He accused Wray of protecting the Bidens after he declined to comment on Hunter Biden’s case because it is an ongoing legal matter. He pounded his chest and said people trusted the FBI more when J. Edgar Hoover was in charge. Wray responded by saying, “Respectfully, congressman, in your home state of Florida, the number of people applying to come work for us is up over 100% since I started.”

Matt Gaetz is a US congressman.

Jim Jordan is a US congressman.

Criminals.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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