Cutie Pie

Trump to governors: You scratch my back I’ll stab yours

Trump has targeted the governor of Michigan as his latest victim. He doesn’t like her because she’s a she with power who dared confront him about the shitty job he’s doing as a Reality TV president. He’s so vain, petty, sexist, insecure and vindictive that he’s been withholding federal aid because she doesn’t like him. Since she’s accomplished and powerful and not a sex kitten, he would never call her cutie pie and slap her on the ass (and if he did, she’d rip his little tiny American Pie weiner off and throw that pie right in his face.) He told Mike Pence not to call her or any governor who has been critical of the federal government.

Trump tweeted and then deleted: I love Michigan, one of the reasons we are doing such a GREAT job during this horrible Pandemic. Yet your Governor, Gretchen “Half” Whitmer is way in over her ahead, she doesn’t have a clue. Likes blaming everyone for her ineptitude! #MAGA

No matter how nicely she has asked, Trump has refused to do his job. “Don’t call the woman in Michigan,” he said during Friday’s propaganda briefing. “If they don’t treat you right, I don’t call.”

Medical supplies got cancelled or delayed to Michigan so Governor Whitmer asked nicely, “Mr. President, Michigan needs masks and tests. People are going to die if we don’t get them.”

“I would like you to do me a favor, though.”

“Michigan is the new Ukraine.” — Senator Chris Murphy

Someone must have gotten through to him to get him to stop the Twitter/TV war with the governor of Michigan because Trump shut his fucking pie hole and approved Michigan’s disaster declaration request this morning so the state can get federal help. They just received 112,800 N95 masks from the strategic national stockpile. 8,000 more are on the way.

Trump is hoarding masks and ventilators to punish and reward governors.

Here’s what Trump wants from governors: “All I want them to do, very simple, I want them to be appreciative. I don’t want them to say things that aren’t true. I want them to be appreciative. We’ve done a great job.”

Rudy Giuliani has advice for governors and mayors. Don’t ask for a slice of the pie. “Take the blame when you have to… when you play with your boss, sometimes it’s better when you don’t win the golf game. He’s the boss, he’s got all the resources.”

Speaking of bosses, the mob boss got pissed off at a reporter during his daily propaganda briefing when he asked if everyone who needs a ventilator will get one. Trump got agitated and didn’t say what he was thinking. Instead he said, “Look. Look. Don’t be a cutie pie.”

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