Damn Foreigners

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 6, 2019

After Trump called Mitt Romney an ass and said he should be impeached on Twitter, Mitt threw shade right back at him by tweeting an adorable photo of himself with his wife and two of their grandkids at the pumpkin patch. I have a strong, loving family and you don’t. I can wear orange and you can’t. I know all my grandchildren’s names and actually love spending time with them and you don’t. I’m handsome and you’re not.

“Donald Trump came down harder on Mitt Romney for tweeting than he did on Kim Jong-un for killing Otto Warmbier.” — Andrea Junker

Trump is having a nervous breakdown on camera. It’s reality TV impeachment and its making the country a nervous wreck.

While Bill Clinton was being impeached he conducted himself with dignity and did his job. Barack Obama had the most integrous, squeaky clean administrations ever and was always cool and focused, but the Republicans hounded him non-stop and right wing weirdos compared him to Hitler anyway. Trump is an admitted, out of control crook, obstructing justice and committing treason in real time on TV and the Republicans do nothing.

While Trump is being impeached, Hillary Clinton, the rightful president who as first lady went through an impeachment trial against her husband that was a true witch hunt and embarrassed her as his wife, is out there now doing a book tour with daughter Chelsea about a book they wrote together about gutsy women who have inspired them. She is calm, controlled, intelligent, genuine, and not at all spiteful. She’s a patriot. After she answered a question about impeachment and laid out the seriousness of what is going on with foreign governments influencing our elections and how impeachment is the only remedy, she got a standing ovation.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testified for 11 hours during a Republican led witch hunt against her without a single problem. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo stuck his middle finger up at Congress and blew off a subpoena because he answers to a higher power — Trump/God.

“Hillary Clinton’s understanding of foreign affairs is jaw dropping and I’m feeling very sad for our country right now.” — Joyce Alene

While Trump continues to deny there is any evidence that a foreign government helped him get elected in 2016 and is red handedly getting caught for working with foreign governments to swing his election in 2020, he’s got Bill Barr out there following a conspiracy theory that foreign countries helped Hillary Clinton’s campaign but failed. Barr went with federal prosecutor John H. Durham to Italy in search of evidence that foreign allies helped the deep state help Hillary.

Trump is blaming the Ukraine phone conversation on energy secretary Rick Perry which is hilarious because Rick Perry couldn’t find Ukraine on a map.

“Rick Perry being made the fall guy for the Ukraine scandal right before his rumored resignation is basically the action movie cliché of the cop who gets gunned down two weeks before retirement.” — Kevin M. Kruse

Kim Jong-un broke up with Trump. North Korea has stopped all nuclear talks with the US after months of negotiations.

Trump is sticking it to immigrants now by denying visas to immigrants who cannot prove they will have health insurance or the ability to pay for medical costs once they become permanent residents of the United States.

Another stand your ground, shoot first, ask questions later killing in Florida — a man shot and killed someone he saw jump out of the bushes in his back yard thinking it was a crazy relative who he had chased off earlier in the front yard, only to find out it was his son in law who had flown 4,500 miles to surprise him on his birthday. He’s from Norway. We’re shooting and killing foreigners in our own backyards now.

The attorney representing the whistleblower has a new client — another whistleblower who has first hand knowledge of Trump’s call to the Ukrainian president, among other first hand knowledge of more awful things Trump has done.

Turns out that right after Ivanka had dinner with President Xi in 2017, numerous trademarks were granted to her right after dessert. Are we ever going to find out why she has a Chinese trademark for voting machines?

Nobody from the White House is booked on any of the Sunday morning news shows this morning. Just the usual camera hogs from the GOP — Ron Johnson, Jim Jordan (spinning this is all just a joke that the media fell for), Roy Blunt, Joe Walsh and Mark Sanford. Joe and Mark will be the only 2 critical of Trump because they want to be president.

When Rudy Giuliani was asked on Fox News why he’s doing all of this he said, “To disrupt the world.” Steve Bannon said that too when he used to work for Trump. Mike Pompeo believes that God sent Trump. This is a Holy War for them, and like the radical jihadists of Islam, their own end is of no concern to them because they’ve been promised more than virgins in heaven. This is American style Armageddon — winner takes all.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.