Dancing at the CPAC Ball

Spike Dolomite
5 min readFeb 27, 2021

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The first day of CPAC in Orlando is over and the message is pretty clear: The attack on the Capitol was justified and not as big of a deal as the dumb Democrats and fake news are making it out to be and we’ll gladly do it again. The main stage was designed after the Nazi symbol, the Odal Rune, worn by the Nazi SS. Kimberly Guilfoyle danced on it. 2 months ago she danced in the tent at the Stop the Steal rally minutes before Trump told the crowd to storm the Capitol. As America grieves the loss of half a million people, Kimberly Guilfoyle dances.

Everybody dance! Look at all the white people dancing! Dance for the insurrection and the MAGA king! The dancing MAGAs bashed Hillary who has been gone from politics for over 4 years, poo-pooed the pandemic and blamed the Democrats for shutting things down, blamed Antifa and BLM for everything they don’t like (real or imagined,) the Big Lie is not a lie! They lie! The election WAS stolen! Trump is king!! Long live the king! Our king will get more done from Mar-a-Lago over the next 4 years than Biden or Kamala ever could! Hunter Biden! Gender Neutral Mr. Potato Head! No absentee voting because then the libtards will withhold insulin from your diabetic relatives unless they vote for Democrats! Democrats are going to send your kids to re-education camps! They’re going to make us wear masks for 300 years! They’re taking away our freedoms — cancelling student debt is just the beginning!

Stupid racist mean white people dancing in the mosh pit of MAGA hell. Blinded by the white.

The speakers acted out their comedic fantasies and people laughed because dumb and cruel people love KKK stand up. MAGA bullies always get a kick out of dumb and cruel. Mean, ugly and stupid always gets a laugh. Let’s dance!

Ted Cruz flew in to Orlando and boy are his arms tired. Bad dump dump. “Orlando is awesome. It’s not as nice as Cancun!” APPLAUSE!!!!!! Masks are dumb! APPLAUSE!!!!!! Democrats are dumb! APPLAUSE!!!!!! “Bernie is wearing mittens. And AOC is saying she was murdered!” APPLAUSE!!!!!! Black Lives Matter in Houston? No way! “In Houston where I live, I have to tell you, there weren’t any rioters because let’s be very clear, if there had been, they would discover what the state of Texas thinks about the second amendment right to keep and bear arms!” APPLAUSE!!!!!! Liberty!!!!!! APPLAUSE!!!!!! FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!! APPLAUSE!!!!!!

James Lankford talked about going to church on Sundays, because that’s what everybody does if you live in Oklahoma, unlike California where you go to swanky restaurants on Sundays. APPLAUSE!!!!!! They dance on Sundays in California. BOOOOO!!!!!!!

Josh Hawley got a standing ovation when he bragged about objecting to the vote count on January 6. APPLAUSE!!!!!! “I’m not going anywhere!” APPLAUSE!!!!!! I’m dancing with the stars! APPLAUSE!!!!!

Whenever organizers would cut in to make an announcement to ask attendees to comply with the hotel’s rules about masks, the crowd would stop dancing, boo and chant, “Freedom!”

“What does CPAC stand for? (wrong answers only.) Colored People Ain’t Coming.” — some guy on Twitter

Why isn’t Mike Pence at CPAC? a) he’s afraid the crowd would kill him, b) his mom wouldn’t let him go, c) he’s sick of dancing, d) Trump said he was too fat.

Right wing media organization, Right Side Broadcasting, stopped their coverage to make a disclaimer. Just because we’re covering it doesn’t mean we believe it. Do your own research. We’re not responsible for anything that you might believe. We’re just dancing for our supper over here.

CNN’s Jim Acosta was almost accosted. A crowd surrounded him and someone yelled, “Get him! Get him!”

13 members of Congress were at CPAC instead of at work, voting on important covid relief legislation. They flat out lied and signed letters saying they couldn’t attend “due to the ongoing public health emergency” and then voted FUCK YOU by proxy. The House passed Biden’s $1.9 trillion American Rescue Plan without a single Republican vote. Republicans do not want any direct aid going to small businesses who are still in business, $1,400 direct checks to Americans who make less than $75,000 a year and might be behind on rent or utilities because of loss of income because of a year long pandemic, or extend unemployment benefits and increase the coverage, or an increase in the child tax credit, direct funding to state and local governments so they can retain fire fighters and police, funding for schools to be able to carry out safety measures to reopen safely, and more money for vaccine distribution. Republicans don’t ever want to give tax payer money back to tax payers for any reason. That money is to be used to pay their salaries so they can blow off work and attend hate rallies. That and pay for more bombs.

President Biden flew to Ted Cruz’s home town, Houston, to meet with the Republican governor, see the damage for himself, find out what more is needed, and encourage Texans to get vaccinated. Ted Cruz blew off meeting with the president of the United States and the governor of Texas so he could play to a crowded room of people who weren’t from Texas. APPLAUSE!!!!!!

The Army sent troops to Orlando yesterday to help vaccinate Floridians. Good thing they’re there in case the MAGAs start dancing in the streets………

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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