Darwin’s Theory of Evolution in the Trump Era

Trump announced that his test results came back and he doesn’t have coronavirus but nobody believes him.

It’s been pure chaos in the US international airports with people squeezed together like sitting ducks sitting on ducks. After being forced to stand in line for inept, haphazard health screens while being coughed on and touched and breathed on by thousands of strangers coming from all over the world, everybody will go into their respective communities and spread it if they’ve got it. And if they’re dumb and live in a dumb town, everybody will get it. And if everybody gets it, a lot of people will die. If a lot of people die, will dumb people finally get it that they better wise up and realize that they’ve been duped and that they better get their shit together and read a god damned newspaper or else the whole town might die?

It took 97 days for the coronavirus to go from 0 to 100,000 cases. It will take only 8 days for it to go from 100,000 to 150,000 cases.

Jared has been charged with solving the pandemic so he is practicing safe social distancing by turning to a Facebook group for suggestions.

Social distancing for the Trump klan should mean getting the hell off of social media all together.

“One way to think about social distancing is that to contribute to a great national cause in World War II you had to, like, die face down in the muck on some tiny pacific island, now you can literally stay at home, watch the sopranos or that Netflix dating show and be a hero” — Matthew Zeitlin

Partiers haven’t changed their bad habits. Drinkers are still going out to the bars while pot smokers are sitting at home on the couch all smug as a bug on a hand woven hemp rug.

Procrastinators and MAGAs are freaking out now, on their knees in empty aisles at the grocery store, screaming at the tops of their lungs, “WHAT ABOUT ME?” Those damned liberals who believe in science and saw the writing on the wall and thus listened to the experts are all cozy now in their well stocked homes, snug as a bug on a brand new hypo allergenic rug.

Trump gave Newt Gingrich’s third wife a job as the ambassador to the Vatican so they get to travel to Italy a lot on the tax payer dime. While there on state business, Newt looked around and saw nobody anywhere. He has a warning for America. The government better do something right now or else. It better fix the mess that he himself helped start by branding the government as the problem, taxes as unAmerican, and Democrats as snobby heathens. Now he says the government he despises better do something fast with the money it has from taxing people to stop the pandemic. Newt could be feeling a little guilt right now for his role in demonizing government and Democrats. Perhaps he should pray about it sometime today during Trump’s national day of prayer. His third wife should pray with him since she has some influence with God since she’s so close to the Pope.

The streets of Italy are totally barren. To pass the time and lift one another’s spirits, Italians are singing to each other from their balconies while low information voters and no information gloaters are packed in Walmarts, bars and Denny’s across America.

The Republican governor of Okleehoma, Nit Wit Kevin Stitt, posted a selfie of himself with his young sons bragging about being in a packed restaurant during a pandemic. Take that, libtards! Support local businesses! He got a lot of shit for child abuse so he deleted the tweet. Like Trump, he’s a business man with no government experience. He’s only been in office for one year. Nit Wit Stitt is an anti vaxxer and hasn’t closed any schools. Oklahoma, you’re not OK.

While at the coronavirus hotspot, Mar-a-Lago, last weekend, Trump told his rich groupies, “They’re trying to scare everybody, from meetings, cancel the meetings, close the schools — you know, destroy the country. And that’s ok, as long as we can win the election.”

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Since Trump has politicized the coronavirus, and the Republicans, as usual, are going along with him. More idiots and haters will die from the coronavirus outbreak than not. Lazy, undereducated, arrogant, ignorant, devolved selfish MAGAS who don’t think for themselves and believe anything that Trump and Fox News tells them, are the most at risk. They will purposely put themselves in dangerous situations to please Trump and own the libtards. A lot of them will catch this thing and pass it on. Anybody with common sense and respect for science is staying home. Better safe than sorry as Darwin would say.

Natural selection may sort things out after all.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.