Dead Men Can’t Talk

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 10, 2019

This morning’s breaking news: Man On Suicide Watch Commits Suicide at the Metropolitan Correctional Center which is operated by the Federal Bureau of Prisons which is a division of the United States Department of Justice.

Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his cell this morning, hours after a judge released documents in his case outing men who had sex with Epstein’s sex slaves — Prince Andrew, former New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, Alan Dershowitz, to name a few. Since Trump can’t feel sadness or empathy or grief, he wouldn’t care about his friend being found dead in jail, but since he’s most likely wrapped up in this he’s probably relieved and happy, just as a lot of other very rich and powerful people are right now.

In other news:

Kim Jong-un wrote Trump another lovely letter.

Republicans are united in their messaging — hate originates with the far left. The Russians are putting out lots of posts about MAGAs attacking immigrants and black people to stoke outrage on the left and excitement on the right. Bots are promoting more guns and violence.

GOP chairwoman, Ronna McDaniel, has been on a roll, attacking Democrats and defending Trump. She says Trump raised $12 million in Hamptons “thanks to the unhinged mob.”

Ya right. An unhinged liberal mob with signs that are spelled correctly and NO GUNS.

The CEO of chicken killers Koch Foods, billionaire Joe Grendys, wasn’t arrested on the first day of school when ICE raided his plants and arrested hundreds of working parents. The boss man was spared and won’t be paying a price for hiring 680 undocumented workers. If Trump arrested Grendys, then he could be arrested too. His whole empire is built on cheap, undocumented labor — construction, food service, hotel maintenance, maids, gardeners. Come on. Undocumented workers don’t talk.

The MAGA who killed 22 people at the El Paso Walmart told the cops that he did it and meant to kill Mexicans. Republicans are like, “Quit making this about race!”

Dead Mexicans can’t talk. Or work. Or be regarded as human.

The white supremacists are pumped up. They’re doing an awful lot of talking.

“America is a place where a white man can walk into a Missouri Walmart with body armor, a loaded rifle and 100 rounds of ammo to scare the shit out of people and he gets arrested without a scratch on him, but a 12-year-old black child was shot and killed for playing with a toy.” — Adam Best

Republicans are defending the right to bear war weapons again and Trump is calling the NRA “great patriots.”

“This would all wrap up pretty quick if a large group of young Black and Muslim men just walked around local stores with guns strapped to their bodies.” — Soledad O’Brien

Trump embodies all 7 deadly sins. The pope just said that Trump’s recent speeches sound like “Hitler in 1934.” Neither matter to Franklin Graham, Jerry Falwell Jr and their evangelical white nationalist army. They don’t care how Trump behaves or how they behave because Jesus has already forgiven them and nothing matters until after they’re dead anyway so in the meantime it’s all talk.

Trump hasn’t tweeted about Epstein yet. He went off on the Lamestream media and the Democrats this morning and then stopped tweeting after the Epstein news broke. He’s not going to be able to sit on this for long. That guy can’t stop talking. He won’t be able to stop talking even after he’s dead.

For now, Trump plots.

“When you’re asked to explain the organization of his mind, there is no organization of his mind. There’s a putter, a cheeseburger, someone else’s credit card, and a porn video and the rest of it is just empty space where he is figuring out how he can occupy center stage and meet these other needs he has that are very self centered and self involved.” — Tim O’Brien

The Russian bots are going nuts this morning. The Clintons killed Jeffrey Epstein!

Trump-appointed regional director, Lynne Patton, tweeted that he had been Hillary’d.

#ClintonBodyCount is trending.

Others think he was murdered.

Conspiracy theorists say he’s not dead.

Kim Jong-un sent Trump another lovely letter and Epstein is dead. Trump is going to have a really good day today.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.