Deep in the Uterus of Texas

Spike Dolomite
5 min readSep 2, 2021

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The Republicans finally did it. They actually did it. They got Roe v Wade “overturned” behind America’s back, in the dead of the night, without warning. The Supreme Court let the clock run out on Texas’s 6 week abortion ban, letting the law stand. Then on the second night, after everybody had already gone to bed, they voted 5–4 not to block Texas’s anti-abortion law. The 3 anti-abortion justices that the Republicans got Trump to appoint were part of the 5 (Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett) who voted not to block. The Republicans finally did it, just like they said they would. And they did it slowly and quietly, in secret.

Chief Justice Roberts joined the only liberals, Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan in dissent. Justice Sotomayor wrote, “In effect, the Texas Legislature has deputized the State’s citizens as bounty hunters, offering them cash prizes for civilly prosecuting their neighbors’ medical procedures.”

Since most women don’t even know that they’re pregnant at 6 weeks, a woman seeking or getting an abortion is an outlaw in Texas and regular citizens now have the authority to wrangle women’s uteruses that they suspect of having blobs of cells growing in them. They are being encouraged to report anyone they know of who is planning to get, or has had, or has helped anyone access an abortion. A website went up (prolifewhistleblower.com) where you can make anonymous tips to turn women and their doctors in.

This new draconian law has no effect on men who impregnate women. Sperm distributors bear no responsibility in unplanned pregnancies in Texas whatsoever and they’re free to spray and waste their seed everyday if they want without consequence (a sperm is not a baby in Texas but a cluster of cells is.) Rapists can sue for custody of their offspring.

Somebody should put up an anonymous tip website where people can report dead beat dads who abandon their families and don’t pay child support. Vigilante justice! Hunt the scum bag sperm bags down!

The overturning of Roe v Wade happened on the same day that Texans could legally carry guns without permits. Yee haw! Let’s go shoot some uteruses!

In 2011 there were 44 abortion clinics in the state of Texas. Because Republicans in the state legislature have been whittling away at Roe v Wade for decades, they have chipped away at abortion rights with various other laws and restrictions which brought down the number of abortion clinics to 22 in 2013. In 2014 there were only 8. Now the only abortion providers who can practice legally will be doing abortions before 6 weeks which is going to reduce the need for services significantly, forcing the remaining clinics out of business, which is the whole point. A state with 30 million people and half of them won’t be able to get an abortion whatever reason — incest, rape, life threatening ectopic pregnancies, or not being ready or capable of being a mother.

This 6 week law does nothing, NOTHING to prevent the need for abortion. It just punishes women for having one and rewards everybody else who turns her in (cash for names.) All this law does is block access to safe abortion. Women will still get them, and will even give it to themselves out of desperation, just like they did before Roe v Wade.

If you live in a state that honors abortion rights set forth in the Constitution, you can be charged with trafficking of a minor across state lines if you try and help your teenage niece out who lives in Texas by bringing her to your state to get the abortion she needs because she’s just a kid and you don’t want to see her not be able to go to college. Doctors who perform abortions, priests, Uber drivers, psychologists, anybody who has talked, transported, or provided medical care to a woman who has had an abortion can be sued.

A 12 year old girl who has been raped by her father will be forced to give birth to her sibling. It happens.

This is going to hurt poor women the most, as usual. They’re going to be forced to carry pregnancies against their will and will be given no support by the state that forced her to have the baby in the first place. Poor women don’t have the resources or connections to get around this oppressive law. Republicans’ wives and mistresses will continue to get abortions, just like they did before Roe v Wade. This new law won’t affect them one bit. They’re untouchable (except by creepy white flabby wrinkly stinky Republican men.)

Covid has reproductive rights in Texas but women don’t.

A new bill in Texas would brand parents of trans kids as child abusers. They could have their kids taken away from them.

We’re in a heap of trouble right now because the Roberts Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act and reversed Roe v Wade, letting Texas Republicans lead the way for a complete take over by the growing minority — white Republican men. They’ve been the ruling majority for so long that they’ll do anything to hold on to it. One way is by oppressing and controlling women by finding a way around an actual court reversal of Roe v Wade by making it possible for citizens of the MAGA and wacko evangelical variety to extort providers and hunt down their friends, family members and neighbors to stop abortion because they can’t do so constitutionally. Abortion isn’t about the “baby.” It’s about the woman.

Republicans are coming for women, the poor, and people of color by knocking them up, knocking them down, and knocking them out.

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Fight! Fight who? Fight the evil Republicans.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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