Dick of Mass Destruction

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 27, 2022

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Another woman has come forward to allege that Herschel Walker not only got her pregnant and paid for an abortion, but he also drove her to the clinic so he’d be sure she went through with it. He was married at the time. Herschel Walker has and is a dick of mass destruction.

Herschel Walker and Lindsey Graham laughed it off when asked about the latest abortion during a campaign event. Abortion has become a joke to Republicans now. Lindsey was in Georgia meddling in their election again, trying to get Black Trump elected.

Closeted gay Lindsey from South Carolina appeared on Sean Hannity’s show, sitting a safe distance from his “black friend” and said, “What happens when the Republican party elects and nominates Herschel Walker? They’re scared to death of Herschel Walker because if Herschel Walker becomes a Republican, maybe every other young child in America of color might want to be a Republican………Walker changes the entire narrative that we’re a party of racists, Sean. Me and you are racist and the party is racist and what happens when the Republican party elects and nominates Walker?”

Dick of mass destruction.

Lindsey Graham is doing everything he can from having to testify before the Fulton County grand jury regarding his role in “finding” more votes for Trump in Georgia in 2020. After his attempts to appeal failed, he just went straight to the top to ask his buddy, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, husband of Ginni Thomas who also had a role in overturning the 2020 election, to get involved and he did. He froze the order.

Justice Samuel Alito is pissed that the leak of his draft opinion to overturn Roe v. Wade has made him and his MAGA Republican Catholic activist colleagues in the majority “targets for assassination.” He doesn’t agree with the public’s low opinion of them. It’s low because they’re dicks of mass destruction.

Trump’s former White House chief of staff, Mark Meadows, doesn’t have a buddy on the Supreme Court like Lindsey Graham does so he must testify before the Fulton County grand jury about Trump trying to steal the election in Georgia. He may be a dick of mass destruction but he doesn’t have a seat on the MAGA Republican get away bus. Nobody has that guy’s back.

Trump has endorsed every Florida Republican statewide 2022 candidate except Ron DeSantis. He’s pissed at him. DeSantis has done everything he could think of (besides having another kid just so he could name him Don Junior Junior) to kiss up to Trump for four years and now he’s getting snubbed.

Trump is going to hold a MAGA rally in Florida with Marco Rubio. Whatever Marco has been kissing, it’s working. Trump likes it a lot.

Marco has called the January 6th Committee a “joke” and a “kangaroo court” on the campaign trail. “Every time I get asked about the January 6th Committee … I say, ‘Listen, I’ll pay attention to that when they have a committee on the riots of 2020.’” That’s code for what about black people (except Herschel Walker of course.)

Marco Rubio tweeted out photos of a guy wearing a bloody Marco Rubio t-shirt in a hospital after supposedly canvassing for him. He did it to call out liberal violence. Turns out his name is Christopher Monzon and he’s Cuban, just like Marco. He’s an ex-member of the white supremacist group League of the South and was arrested in 2017 after charging at a crowd with a confederate flag during a confederate protest. He was at the white supremacist Unite the Right rally. He has a criminal record of violent assault. The likelihood of him canvassing door to door in a really red district on Marco Rubio’s behalf is highly unlikely. He probably started a fight and got his ass kicked.

Ron Smith, the right-wing Florida lawyer who fought against state laws requiring motorcycle riders to wear helmets was killed in a motorcycle crash while not wearing a helmet, just like the idiots who fought masks and vaccines in Florida during the COVID pandemic and crashed and burned. They fought against “tyranny” and lost. Their legacy? Wanna be dicks of mass destruction.

3 MAGA domestic terrorists were convicted on all charges in federal court for plotting to kidnap Governor Whitmer over mask and vaccine “tyranny” in Michigan. The 3 stooges are going to jail for trying to violently overthrow the government. They met and trained with militia members to try and pull off mass destruction. Dicks.

Ted Cruz went to a game at Yankee Stadium in New York and got cussed out and flipped off by fans who told him to get out of New York because he’s such a dick and has caused so much destruction. He was in New York because he was going to appear on the The View. He got heckled there, too. This time by climate activists who got kicked out for interrupting the taping of a live show and screaming “FUCK YOU TED CRUZ!” Ted Cruz represents the deadliest state in the nation for mass shootings. He is squarely on the side of the guns. He quite literally is a dick of mass destruction.

Oprah anointed TV star, “Doctor” Oz who lives in New Jersey but is running for senator in Pennsylvania, was asked about his stand on abortion during a debate. His position is pregnancy decisions should be made between “a woman, her doctor, and local political leaders.” He said that. He actually said that.

Mike Pence tweeted that once the repugs take control of Congress they’re going to make abortion illegal all across the country.

Election Day is in 12 days. Everybody better vote and vote for Democrats because the Republicans are dicks of mass destruction.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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