Do Something

Spike Dolomite
5 min readNov 30, 2020

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Over 1 million children have tested positive for the coronavirus. Time will tell what the long term effects of this disease will be but whatever. They’re just kids. The Supreme Court can make new ones.

More people are getting sick, more people are getting sicker, and more people are getting sick twice. People can’t afford this any longer and are losing their homes because they don’t have jobs. No help is on the way. We’re stuck with an apathetic, lazy sociopath as a president and a demonic senate majority leader who both refuse to do anything about it. All of this pain and suffering could have been minimized but for one thing: Republicans.

One of Trump’s covid experts, Dr. Deborah Birx, recommends that everyone who got together with family over Thanksgiving assume that they have the coronavirus and get tested, wear a mask, and stay at home. Good advice. Too bad she lost all her credibility by hitching her wagon to Trump’s death star. She has as much respect as a White House press secretary.

Most gatherings in Los Angeles County have been banned for 3 weeks starting today. A tougher stay at home order will be enforced if people refuse to comply and cases keep spiking. Unlike New York which has people living on top of each other, LA is spread out so people have more breathing room. For such a huge city, the virus hasn’t taken a strong hold. Yet. Schools haven’t been open since mid-March and people have to wear masks in public. No big public gatherings, no theaters, concerts, bars. Restaurants have strict rules to minimize person to person contact. A lot of people hang really low and don’t leave their houses unless absolutely necessary. All of this has minimized the spread. Angelenos have done a pretty good job of respecting one another these past 9 months, but there are still those who refuse to wear masks and get in the faces of all of the cool people (contrary to popular belief, Republicans do make their home in L.A. The hard core ones have made their exodus to red states but enough remain to make life miserable for everybody else.) Some of them showed up at the LA health chief’s home last night and chanted, “Open L.A.!!!! No science! No data! No shutdown!” Move to Flori-duh.

Teachers are burning out. They can’t keep going on like this, especially when a big part of the population believes Fox News and Republicans when they say the virus is not a big deal and react accordingly. The pressure is immense. Teachers not only have to adjust their teaching styles and delivery on a moment’s notice, but they have to tend to their students’ emotional needs as well even when they themselves are suffering from depression and anxiety. They’re helping students deal with their own anxiety and fears, and counseling them when family members get sick or die. They also guide students on where to go for resources to meet their daily needs like food banks. This should not be happening in the richest country in the world. Capitalism isn’t what Republicans want us all to believe it is and having to go to a food bank to survive is not your own damn fault.

The number of people on SNAP benefits in Boston has gone up 21.2%.

A 74 year old woman in Virginia got freaked out when someone crashed into her back yard so she grabbed her gun and started shooting at the driver. Gun nut logic: Why leave guns lying around if you’re not going to use them, amirite?

Trump spent another $3 million for a recount in Wisconsin and Joe Biden won again, by an extra 87 votes. Trump got beat twice. He lost. Again. Never has anyone fought so hard and spent so much to keep a job they don’t really want and aren’t any good at. It’s unpresidented.

Trump is shocked that he can’t use his presidential power to take his allegations of rigged elections to the Supreme Court. He’s just finding out that it doesn’t work that way. He thought it did because he’s an idiot.

Trump is such an idiot he actually tweeted legal advice by Diamond and Silk that supports his voter fraud conspiracy theories. Those two are just a couple of YouTube boobs but they’re black and say they love Trump so there you go. Voter fraw is real, uh huh!

Trump regrets endorsing Brian Kemp for governor because he didn’t win in Georgia. He’s not going to talk to him on Twitter anymore.

Trump is breaking up with Fox.

When a reporter asked Vice President elect Kamala Harris about Trump running in 2024 she just laughed.

Junior blew off quarantine after a week to join Bleeding Gums Eric and their loser father for a game of maskless golf this weekend, putting the Secret Service at great risk. Again.

Jared is headed to Saudi Arabia and Qatar this week to use his last minute powers as Middle East peace broker and Secretary of Everything to sell America out for his private businesses because he’s a greedy ruthless bastard just like his father in law. Ivanka married her dad.

Joe Biden broke his ankle while wrestling with the family dog. He didn’t lie about it nor did he have a team of doctors in white coats perform for reality TV cameras to make a up a big story about how somebody tripped him.

Joe Biden has chosen his senior communications staff and they’re all women. All 7 of them. 4 are women of color. 2 are out lesbians. 2 are immigrants. 4 have kids. One of them, Symone Sanders, is in her early 30s and worked for Bernie Sanders as his press secretary when he ran for president. Americans can breathe a sigh of relief that a team of competent women will be communicating with them for the next 4 years. MAGAs will hold their breath until they’re blue in the face and then panic and scream so they turn themselves back to red.

President elect Joe Biden and Vice President elect Kamala Harris will receive their first presidential daily briefing today which is more than Trump can say for himself after 4 years. He’s never been interested in the daily briefing unless he can see a way for himself to make money from them.

51 days until Joe Biden can hear the daily briefing and actually do something.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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