Do You Need MAGA Rehab?
It’s been 5 years and you’re secretly tired. You won’t admit it, but you’re sick of yourself. You are starting to regret making a total fool of yourself and for making life miserable for everyone else with your never ending bullshit. Your thick head hurts. You’re disgusted with yourself. Driving around town looking for libtards to yell at isn’t what it used to be. You’re sick and tired of being sick of tired of being a total asshole. You don’t want to be a half wit, angry, sexist, homophobic, racist asshole anymore but you don’t know if you have what it takes to be a decent person. Do you need MAGA rehab?
Take the “Am I a MAGA asshole?” quiz:
Do you feel really stupid now for thinking you were a martyr for Trump’s cause?
Do you no longer believe you’re a revolutionary?
Do you have too many guns that you were planning on using on the government when they came pounding on your door to arrest you for being a Christian?
Do you spend money you don’t have on MAGA merchandise and donate to every one of Trump’s campaigns of the week?
Do you have anybody left in your life who isn’t a MAGA?
Do you think you’re right about everything when in fact you’re full of shit?
Do you believe now that trying to take the government over wasn’t such a good idea after all?
Do you turn on Tucker Carlson and think to yourself that the thrill is gone?
Do people ever compare your admiration for Trump to being like one of the Night Stalker serial killer’s groupies?
Do people tell you you’re a self righteous asshole to your face?
Do you ever think that maybe you’re brother in law is right, you are a total hypocrite?
Do you ever tell people you can quit being an asshole any time you want but you just don’t want to?
Do you ever tell yourself when you wake up in the morning that you won’t be an asshole today but you can’t stop and you’re an asshole all day?
Do you ever start mouthing off at people and then find you can’t stop, even if someone pulls out their phone to record you being a jerk?
Do you like to say “treason” a lot but you don’t know what it means?
Do you live in fear that people will find out that you don’t know what the three branches of government are, who the president was before Trump, or what’s in the Bible?
Do you feel uncontrollable rage towards Trump for not putting Hillary in jail like he said he would?
Do you rationalize being a loud mouth prick as, “everybody is doing it?”
Do you no longer think that Trump is “one of us?”
Do you ever feel guilty for behaving badly in front of innocent little kids?
Do people see you coming and look for the exits?
Do you secretly think that life would be better if you weren’t a selfish, ignorant jerk?
Do you regret ever using “Make America great again!” “Lock her up!” or “Build the wall!” one liners whenever you don’t know what else to say?
Do you secretly drive across town to go grocery shopping where you know you won’t run into anybody you know so you can wear a mask? Did you get vaccinated and lie and say you didn’t?
Trump is gone. He never delivered on any of his promises. There is no wall. Immigrants aren’t all rapists and murderers. He alone can’t fix anything. Biden won. MAGAs were conned. Covid isn’t a hoax. CNN isn’t fake. Fox News is fake and QAnon is a joke.
The shame and remorse you feel means there might be hope for you yet. Go to MAGA rehab.
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