Don’t Blow This

Spike Dolomite
3 min readOct 22, 2024

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Idiot Trump and his idiot team thought it would be a good idea to stage a photo op of Trump dressed up as “the working man” sweating above a fryer in order to one-up Kamala Harris who had said she once worked at McDonald’s. Seriously. The campaign got a franchise to close down in Pennsylvania but they had them keep the fryer turned on so Trump could make one of his favorite things in the world, something that should have killed him years ago, McDonald’s french fries. He posed as a cashier at the drive up window, too, handing food to fake customers (campaign staffers). Donald McDonald blew up the internet, but not like the campaign had hoped. The jokes just keep on coming.

Trump kicked off a MAGA rally in Pennsylvania by ranting about professional golfer Arnold Palmer’s junk for 15 minutes.

Trump joined Fox and Friends on their infamous couch. They had him sit on a pad because Trump isn’t potty trained and they didn’t want him to pull a Poppy from Seinfeld where he’d pee or poop on the Fox couch on live television.

Trump got booed at the Steelers/Jets game in Pittsburgh. “BOOOOOO!!!!!! GET HIM OUTTA TOWN!!” the fans screamed. Before the game, a number of Steelers came out publicly in support of Kamala Harris.

Trump isn’t looking too good in Pennsylvania. Two weeks, America. Two weeks. Don’t blow this, Pennsylvania.

Kamala Harris shot a heckler down in Wisconsin. “Oh, you guys are at the wrong rally. No, I think you meant to go to the smaller one down the street.”

Trump’s ex-Defense Secretary Jim Mattis came out in agreement with ex-top general Mark Milley’s assessment that Trump is “fascist to the core” and “the most dangerous person ever.” He agrees that Trump is “a unique and menacing threat to the country.”

Two weeks, America. Two weeks until we get the chance to save our democracy. Don’t blow this.

Elon Musk broke the law by bribing swing voters in Pennsylvania by giving $1 million a day in a lottery just for registered swing voters every day until election day. Pennsylvania’s Democratic governor, Josh Shapiro, called on law enforcement to investigate.

The Supreme Court rejected an appeal from Michael Cohen, who wanted to hold his former boss Donald Trump liable for abusing his power by jailing him in retaliation for writing a tell-all memoir.

The five men known as the Central Park 5 (now Exonerated 5) are suing Trump for defamation after he once again falsely claimed that they were responsible for raping a woman in Central Park decades ago.

The Russians are pushing a lie that Tim Walz sexually abused one of his students. The lie is spreading across right wing media outlets, especially social media.

Trump says anybody who doesn’t vote for him is the enemy within and if elected he’ll have the military take care of them.

Two more weeks, America.

353,000 voters broke North Carolina’s record on the first day of early voting. 2020 held the record before. That’s great news for democracy.

Almost 17 million people have already cast their ballots with 2 weeks to go until Election Day. That’s great news for democracy.

The state government of Florida threatened TV stations not to air commercials in support of Amendment 4 which is about abortion. One commercial featured a woman who couldn’t get an abortion after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. If she didn’t get the abortion she would have died and so would the fetus. She already had one child who needed her so she had to make the choice to terminate the pregnancy and now according to the State of Florida, she’s a criminal and should be silenced 2 weeks before an election. A judge told DeSantis, it’s about the “first amendment, stupid.”

5 of the largest newspapers in Texas have come out and endorsed Democrat Colin Allred, Ted Cruz’s opponent. This is huge. A lot of Republicans read those papers. Seeing Ted Cruz go means watching an original member of the Tea Party (the parents of the MAGA party) disappear. The rest are sure to follow. There is a very good chance that the Tea Party to Trump era could finally be over! Don’t blow this, Texas!

The potential end of an era is mere 2 weeks away. Don’t blow this, America!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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