Don’t Drink and Judge

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 7, 2018


Before all of the white Republican senators (with the exception of one, Tim Scott who is black, what the hell is the matter with that guy?) voted to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, protesters rushed the steps of the capitol and got arrested.

While the Senate voted, the cries of women could be heard behind the Senate’s closed, locked doors.

After he was confirmed there was a long primal scream heard throughout the halls of the capitol by women being raped all over again.

Brett Kavanaugh was driven to be sworn in immediately. They wanted to rush him in as FAST as possible before another story broke. After he was sworn in, protesters moved over to Mitch McConnell’s house, drank beer out of red Solo cups, and chanted “I like beer!”

MAGAs laughed at America’s defeat by bragging about drinking liberal tears in their beer, Trump called for women to be “liable” for accusing rapists of being rapists, and Republicans toasted each other with a cold brewski and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Justices Kagan and Sotomayor said the court has risked losing legitimacy in the eyes of the public.

Fox News’ booby blonde packing Tomi Lahren said that protesting had been “cheapened by these man hating feminists.” Her white old man audience toasted her with their beer and got a woody. Tomi is just right.

The politicians and talking heads are saying America is deeply divided. America is not deeply divided. 2/3 of Americans don’t want Kavanaugh or Trump. They’re pissed that they’re being fucked over by a small group of rich old, white men who don’t represent anybody but a small group of rich old, white men. Rich old white men are dividing us.

Republicans are spinning a new talking point that there will be greater turnout for their side on Nov 6 because the Democrats brought someone in at the last minute to claim she was assaulted by their boy. She also said she was afraid of flying but she flies. AHA! She’s a liar! How can she be afraid of flying and fly anyway? It’s not because she’s brave. She’s a LIAR! Truth is, people who are mad about the liberals attacking their guy were going to vote anyway. There’s nobody new out there who is going to go MAGA over this.

Kavanaugh was nominated by a president who lost the popular vote by 3 million votes. The 49 Senators who voted no represent more Americans than the 51 Senators who voted yes. If the Senate really represented everybody fairly, Kavanaugh would not have been confirmed.

“Brett Kavanaugh will be the first Justice who was nominated by a President who lost the popular vote, confirmed by Senators who represent a population minority, and opposed in polls by a majority of Americans. Trump says our political system is rigged. It is rigged. For the GOP.” — Adam Best

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Senators Mike Crapo, Chuck Grassley, Orrin Hatch, Mitch McConnell, Pat Roberts, Mike Enzi, and Jim Inhofe all voted to convict Bill Clinton of perjury.

White House counsel and one of Brett’s buddies, Don McGahn, obstructed justice by stopping the FBI from a proper investigation. Kavanaugh tampered with witnesses before they were interviewed. Republicans said, “Aye.”

Brett Kavanaugh bombed his job interview by behaving like a belligerent drunk. He mentioned beer about 30 times. He interrupted and insulted US senators. He angrily read a written statement admitting he was partisan. Republicans said, “Aye.”

While all of this was happening in Washington DC, the Third Lady was on a photo shoot in shithole Africa where her stepsons kill elephants and her husband says Obama was born. She says she would like everybody to focus on what she does, not what she wears. First of all, she doesn’t do anything. Second of all, she went dressed for a safari wearing all white, right down to a matching colonial helmet, and then showed up at the Great Pyramids dressed like a character out of Indiana Jones, and third of all, after people stopped laughing at her for wearing white surrounded by dust and dirt, they thought of all of the pictures they’ve seen of her without any clothes on at all.

Yesterday sucked, yes, but things aren’t getting worse, they’re getting uncovered. We lost a battle, not a war. America is counting on the American people to get this right. The patriarchy isn’t going to hand over all of its power because it’s the right thing to do. The people are going to have to take that power from them. WITH A FIGHT.

And another one. And another one.

Bartender! Another round!

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.