Don’t Shit in the Pool and say it’s Candy

After Trump tried to take credit for the first female space walkers, one of them called in from space to say they weren’t the first. He flipped her off. On live video. A juvenile display of fragile masculinity combined with narcissistic megalomania. Since Trump thinks he knows everything, being corrected is perceived as a personal attack, and since he hates women, being attacked by a woman from outer space will get you the bird. If he could, he would have pushed her in the pool.

Republican congressman from Florida, Francis Rooney, is out. He announced he’s retiring but before he goes he wants to go down in history as being the first House Republican to vote to impeach Trump. That’s easy to do when you’re not worried about your own ass. He’s wading in the shallow end.

Speaking of Florida Republicans, Ron DeSantis, the governor who downplayed his ties to Giuliani associates Igor Fruman and Lev Parnas, is seen now on video hugging them both. They gave him money. More will be revealed about this one. All three of them peed in the pool.

Trump has decided not to host the G-7 at his resort after all. He announced it in a good guy self pity tweet: I thought I was doing something very good for our Country by using Trump National Doral, in Miami, for hosting the G-7 Leaders. It is big, grand, on hundreds of acres, next to MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, has tremendous ballrooms & meeting rooms, and each delegation would have its own 50 to 70 unit building. Would set up better than other alternatives. I announced that I would be willing to do it at NO PROFIT or, if legally permissible, at ZERO COST to the USA. But, as usual, the Hostile Media & their Democrat Partners went CRAZY! Therefore, based on both Media & Democrat Crazed and Irrational Hostility, we will no longer consider Trump National Doral, Miami, as the Host Site for the G-7 in 2020. We will begin the search for another site, including the possibility of Camp David, immediately. Thank you!

“He heard the place might be bugged” — Frank Figliuzzi

Marco Rubio continued to support having the G-7 at Trump’s resort even after Trump pulled back on it, even though Republicans are sick of his shit and won’t publicly defend him about hosting foreign leaders at his own property because it’s a bold face violation of the emoluments clause. Nevertheless, they still won’t get in the pool.

In case people didn’t hear him the first time, he tweeted about being victimized over Doral again: Doral in Miami would have been the best place to hold the G-7, and free, but too much heat from the Do Nothing Radical Left Democrats & their Partner, the Fake News Media! I’m surprised that they allow me to give up my $400,000 Plus Presidential Salary!

$400,000 is chunk change to a crime boss like Trump. He made $40.8 million alone off of foreigners staying at the Trump International Hotel to gain favor with the American crime boss in the White House. The Trump International Hotel has an indoor pool and nobody can use it except for Trump’s guests.

Trump issued a Presidential Proclamation for National Character Counts Week urging Americans to go out there and positively influence the next generation of our Nation’s leaders and inspire them to lead lives of virtue and integrity. Come on in, the water is fine.

Trump didn’t send the troops in Syria home like he promised. US Defense Secretary Mark Esper announced that he sent them to Iraq. Trump doesn’t even know Mark Esper’s name. It must really suck to be one of the troops right now, knowing that your commander in chief doesn’t know what he’s doing, can’t get the defense secretary’s name right, and could give a crap about you.

A MAGA on parole with a weapons conviction showed up in Stephen Miller’s hometown, Santa Monica, California, one of the most liberal cities in the country, and sprayed a bunch of anti-Trump protesters at the beach with bear repellent. The cops got him right away. He yelled that the libtards and commies started it. EVERYBODY OUT OF THE POOL!!!!!

Trump wants to collect DNA from asylum seekers and detained migrants now so he can keep data on immigrant gene pools because that’s what Hitler would do.

Republicans are looking at pools, errrrr, polls to decide about impeachment. It’s not about the country or doing the right thing. It’s about their careers. As each one sticks their big toes into the impeachment waters don’t forget they should have jumped in with the Democrats in the deep end in the first place if they really were in Congress to serve the country.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.