Dopes, Kooks and Dumb Criminals

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 21, 2021


Gym Jordan and Matt Gaetz, the two biggest dopes and kooks in Congress, had to answer questions from Jamie Raskin of the Select Committee about September 6. Gym tripped off the mat when asked when he talked to Trump. Was it before, during or after the attack? Whenever reporters ask him about that he always says he talks to the president all the time because he’s trying to get stuff done except he has never actually done anything in Congress except take people to the mat in front of the cameras. Gaetz got smacked down in the middle of his Fox News talking points rant. Raskin cut him off and told him that that shit might fly on Steve Bannon’s podcast but it won’t fly here. The dopey, kooky duo are dumb criminals too.

End times conspiracy theorist kook Rick Wiles believes that the covid vaccine contains an egg that hatches into a synthetic parasite and grows inside the body. Before him, Alex Jones and Steve Bannon, there were televangelists Jerry Falwell, the founder of the Moral Majority, the GOP’s politicization of evangelical Christianity, Jimmy Swaggart, the preacher who had a thing for prostitutes but was forgiven by God after he cried on TV, Kenneth Copeland, the kook who speaks in tongues and claims he can destroy covid by blowing God on it, and Jim Bakker, the grifter who went to jail for ripping off his followers and then getting out of jail and doing it again by selling end times survival kits on TV.

Army reservist, Timothy Hale-Cusanelli, the dope with the Hitler mustache who got arrested for attacking the Capitol, was demoted to the lowest rank and kicked out of the military with an other-than-honorable discharge, ending his 12 year military career with far less benefits than he would have received if he wasn’t a dumb criminal.

Speaking of the military, Donald J. Trump, the 45th president of the United States, once said this of his generals — “I wouldn’t go to war with you people. You’re a bunch of dopes and babies.”

Republican congressman Jeff Fortenberry has resigned from the House Appropriations subcommittee after being indicted. Now why would the dope go and do that? The GOP doesn’t care if you break the law. They all do it. It’s what they do.

On this date in 2017, anti-abortion Republican Congressman Tim Murphy resigned after people found out that he asked his mistress to get an abortion.

Rumor has it that Joe Mansion is going to resign from his committee assignments and re-register as a Republican. Now why would he go and do that? He’d lose all his power and nonstop media attention! If he left the Democratic party, he’d just be another cog in the GOP wheel that never turns.

The Republicans filibustered Joe Mansion’s Freedom to Vote Act because they are white supremacists and do not want black people, poor people, brown people, or young people to vote.

Covid is the leading cause of death of police officers. Five times more cops have died from covid than shot in the line of duty. They’re dying because they’re refusing the vaccine. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

The mayor of Chicago told the cops that they better get vaccinated by October 15. A third of them refused and are threatening to walk off the job in the middle of a crime wave. The reason? Lack of reason. The government will not take over our bodies and lay eggs in them! The president of the police union told members not to reveal their vaccination status. He also compared the vaccine mandate to the Holocaust because he’s a disrespectful, ignorant kook. So much for protect and serve. The Chicago Police Department is a double threat to public health and safety.

Facebook is going to rebrand itself and change its name. All of the dopes, kooks and dumb criminals who stormed the Capitol with the help of Facebook may fall for that but the rest of us won’t. They’re not Kanye West (he just changed his name to “Ye.”) People aren’t going to forget that they facilitated crimes by making it possible for dopes, kooks, and dumb criminals to try and take over the government and then brag about it on Facebook if Facebook starts calling itself John Doe.

As more and more dopey, kooky insurrectionists get sentenced for being the dumb criminals that they are, right wing media is trying in vain to use “both sides” logic to defend them. There were two sides alright. There were the attackers and the attacked, but the attackers were dumb ass criminals egged on by criminals in Congress and the White House.

“A shocking indictment of a corrupt, incompetent and bungling bunch of second rate criminals who’ve twisted the guiding principles of the Republic into an opportunity to fleece the American public.” — Brian J. Karem

“A failed scheme doesn’t exonerate you. It makes you an unsuccessful criminal.” — Adam Schiff

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.