Drum Roll Please

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 28, 2021

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Little Drummer Boy

The Senate hasn’t voted yet on whether or not to form a bi-partisan commission to investigate a domestic terrorist attack on the US government because many of them were in on it. An investigation would reveal who the co-conspirators were and who was beating the drums for war. Those very same co-conspirators are blocking the probe into their own criminal activities.

Republicans don’t care about the breach, or the grieving families, or the Capitol Hill police, or our democracy. They only care about control. They stayed up most of the night flipping drum sticks and playing games and will continue doing that until they run the clock out today. They’re traitors to the country.

Gladys Sicknick, mother of fallen officer Brian Sicknick, went to the Capitol to ask Republican senators to please vote to investigate her son’s death. She met with 15 senators. 35 blew her off. They don’t care about her or her son. This upset her, naturally. She said her son had a strong work ethic and died protecting all of “them.”

Brian Sicknick’s girlfriend of 11 years, Sandra Garza, couldn’t understand why Republicans didn’t want to investigate the attack on Brian and the officers who protected them. “It’s very disturbing that anyone would not want to support this. Why would they not want to get to the bottom of such horrific violence? They are here today and with their families and comfortable because of the actions of law enforcement.”

Speaking of being alive because of the actions of law enforcement, Officer Eugene Goodman is standing guard, protecting the very people who he saved on January 6 AGAIN while they dick around and screw him over AGAIN but whatever. They don’t care about him. Many of them even voted against giving him a Congressional Gold Medal for saving their lives.

Mitch McConnell contacted the few senators who have a scintilla of a conscience left to beg them to vote against the commission as “a personal favor.” He says the reason why he doesn’t want a January 6 commission is because……wait for it……Democrats! The Democrats just want to keep litigating the former president instead of focusing on what Biden is “doing to the country” right now! Drummers, get in line!

Speaking of the Republican drum line, Joe Manchin is the Republicans’ greatest enabler in Congress. He says he’s not willing to “destroy our government” by getting rid of the filibuster but he’s perfectly willing to stand back and let the Republicans do it. He called the Republicans damn good people. Patriots! He sounds like little drummer boy Trump.

The media is still treating the Republican Party as a legitimate political party with a different point of view when in fact it is no longer a political party, it’s a terrorist organization that is actively seeking to destroy democracy to seize total control of the government. That’s the story.

Judge Amy Berman Jackson won’t let some of the insurrectionists out of jail before their trials because she believes they are a threat and could get violent again because they do whatever Trump and “certain media outlets” tell them to do. She says they keep the drumbeat going which keeps the violent mob pumped up which could be dangerous.

Meanwhile, MAGA rock stars Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene were beating the hell out of that drum in Georgia at another stop on their America First tour. Matt Gaetz told the worked up crowd, “We’re not gonna be able to shake the Bush family tree again and hope that a version of compassion conservatism comes out. This is Donald Trump’s party and I’m a Donald Trump Republican!……….The internet’s hall monitors out in Silicon Valley, they think they can suppress us, discourage us. Maybe if you’re just a little less patriotic, maybe if you just conform to their way of thinking a little more, then you will be allowed to participate in the digital world? Well, you know what? Silicon Valley can’t cancel this movement, or this rally, or this congressman! We have a Second Amendment in this country, and I think we have an obligation to use it. The Second Amendment — this is a little history for all the fake news media — the Second Amendment is not about hunting, it’s not about recreation, it’s not about sports. The Second Amendment is about maintaining, within the citizenry, the ability to maintain an armed rebellion against the government, if that becomes necessary!” It’s a good thing the MAGA mob is sitting in jail. Thanks, Judge Jackson.

15% of Americans think that society is controlled by a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles. 15% think that “American patriots may have to resort to violence” to restore the country’s rightful order. 20% think that a biblical storm is coming which will “restore the rightful leaders.” These are the people Republicans are beating the drum for because nobody else will vote for them.

Drum roll please. The Senate is back in session.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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