Dumb and Dumber, Continued

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 9, 2021

Trump’s impeachment lawyers are representing Capitol riot defendants because MAGAs are dumb enough to hire them and the so called attorneys are dumb enough to accept.

As of June 4, 2021, 465 gullible, willfully ignorant white supremacists have been arrested for their role in the January 6 insurrection. Defendants are going to try and use the ignorance of the law defense. Stupidity isn’t a legal defense.

At least 50 (10.8%) of the people arrested for attacking the Capitol are either active duty or retired military service members.

16 of the Oath Keepers who were arrested for their part in attacking the Capitol are going to turn state’s evidence and cooperate with the feds. Ring those dumb bells!

The dumb fuck from Arkansas, Richard Barnett, who got his 15 minutes of fame by being filmed putting his feet up on Nancy Pelosi’s desk after he broke into the Capitol is broke but he needs to pay for his legal defense so he’s raising money online by selling autographed pictures of himself sitting with his feet up on Nancy Pelosi’s desk.

In Ohio, a dumbed down white senior citizen who calls herself an anti-vaccine expert testified before the House Health Committee that the covid vaccine turns people into magnets. She encouraged legislators to go online and see for themselves. There’s people all over the internet with forks and keys stuck to their faces that are linked to 5G network towers.

In Texas, the dumbest member of Congress, Louie Gohmert, a ranking member of the Flat Earth Society, asked if BLM (Bureau of Land Management, not Black Lives Matter but he wouldn’t know the difference) or the Forest Services Department could change the earth’s orbit or the rotation of the sun and the moon. Rocks get offended whenever people compare him to them. Gohmert is dumber than rocks.

Defamation lawsuits for dummies: The DOJ case about Jean Carroll and Trump is not a rape case. The statute of limitations ran out on that a long time ago. It’s a defamation case. Jean Carroll is suing Trump because he basically called her a dogface who he wouldn’t rape because she’s not his type. Since he was president when he said it, and was so powerful and famous, it hurt her reputation so she sued. That’s the case. He defamed her by denying he raped her because she wasn’t rapeable while he was president which is the same as if the US government said it. When a federal employee is sued for libel for something they said as a government employee the AG decides if the situation is a work related case. Merrick Garland’s DOJ has decided that the United States government did not call Jean Carroll unrapeable, the big dumb fat pig Trump did.

Democrats have had a bad couple of weeks because of Joe Democrat-in-Name-Only Manchin and Krysten Sin Enema. The Republicans don’t want to pass the For the People Act and there’s not much the Dems can do about it because of crash dummies Joe and Krysten. The libs are freaking out now because they’re worried that the Dems are wimping out. Elect more Dems and this crap won’t happen.

Joe Manchin and Krysten Sinema believe they can get the Republicans to see the light and do the right thing. Listen up dumb fucks: America does not negotiate with terrorists! Go to Alanon! The Republicans can’t be changed!

“Manchin launches long-shot bid to replace Rand Paul as most-hated senator.” — Andy Borowitz

Americans are so dumb that 1 in 4 don’t know about the 3 branches of government. They’re yelling “FREEDUMB!” while they try and take over a Democratic government to install a celebrity dictator who they think is just like them.

Americans are so dumb they’re refusing to get a life saving vaccine. The smarter ones will change their minds if you offer them a free beer or a lottery ticket. The dumbest ones will get covid and die and that will take care of that. Smart people call that survival of the fittest. Dumb people call that the will of God.

Anti vaxxer evangelical pastor Rick Wiles who preached that the virus was God’s way of getting rid of dumb people is in the hospital with covid.

Jeff Bezos is building a $500 million boat and flying into space because he’s bored and has too much money. People who vote for Republicans because they believe that if they vote for Republicans and work hard enough, they too can be just like Jeff Bezos sure are dumb.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.