Dystopian Daily
Trump just did a press conference, wearing a blue USA cap to signal that he’s the president of all Americans instead of his signature red MAGA hat, the symbol of being the president of MAGAs only, in which he told reporters that he took the coronavirus test. Is that a lie or will he lie about the results? Either way, he’ll lie.
The White House and Mar-a-Lago are hot spots for the spread of the virus. Trump finally got around to getting tested hours after he said his doctor said he didn’t have to and sending out a press release.
Reporters had to have their temperatures taken before entering the White House. Is this a precautionary move, albeit too late, or a way to get rid of reporters by telling them they have a temperature? Would they do that? Of course they would.
The Secretary of Health and Human Services, Alex Azar, was noticeably absent at the press briefing. Was he fired or did he call in sick?
Yesterday Trump did a press conference in the rose garden and negated everything he and the task force were telling people to do by cramming the press in together and touching the mic and shaking hands with each other during the conference looking like a bunch of bumbling idiots. Even the smart ones looked stupid. During that press conference he patted himself on the back for being the greatest president in the history of the world then announced that he’s closed the border with Europe. We don’t share a border with Europe. Why hasn’t anybody told him that?
When a reporter asked about him about cutting the CDC and if he thinks he should take any responsibility for where we find ourselves now he called it a nasty question. He said he doesn’t take responsibility for anything at all. Then he said they don’t want “everyone running out and taking tests.”
“I am officially declaring a national emergency. Two very big words,” Trump told reporters.
He was 25 minutes late to make the announcement so he could keep everybody waiting, as usual. He timed it for 30 minutes before the stock market closed because that’s how much he cares.
“Just give your damn speech so we can all freak out some more and start our weekend drinking already.” — Kaili Joy Gray
Alcoholics Anonymous meetings will be really full by the time this is all over.
Trump announced he has a partnership with Google and that 1700 engineers are working on a special coronavirus web site. Google says what the hell are you talking about. Mike Pence must have missed that because this morning he said that there will be “very specific” information on the site by Sunday night.
Google says what?
“Trump delivering an unscripted address. Opens with nonsensical hyperbole delivered with the intonation of your drowsy uncle talking to himself while he pees in your backyard despite the full family picnic occurring feet away.” — The Hoarse Whisperer
Republican hypocrite fun fact: Ivanka is working from home. Ivanka doesn’t work.
After hanging around the capitol, waiting for Trump to tweet his approval, the House passed a bi-partisan bill (40 Republicans voted no) on the coronavirus but nothing can happen with it because the Senate took off. Mitch McConnell split town after all to do an event with Brett Kavanaugh. Fuck you America! We like beer!
#wheresmitch is trending again.
After Trump kept insisting that he didn’t need to take the test and even after the White House sent out a press release that his doctor said he’s fine, he ended up taking the test hours later. Bad optics, Trump. Bad optics.
Mike Pence is insisting that he has been told he doesn’t need to be tested. Watch him be tested by the end of the day.
Trump declared March 15 as a day of prayer. Trump praying? Come on.
“WORTH REPEATING INDEED. IN 2018, TRUMP FIRED THE ENTIRE US PANDEMIC RESPONSE TEAM. Today, Every American is paying the price for his abject incompetence. Instead of strengthening our institutions he attacked them and killed them off. The hour of accountability is coming.” — Steve Schmidt
There are long lines to get food and empty shelves in America and people with life threatening disease being turned away by doctors.
“Blade Runner had flying cars and sex robots — not lines at Costco. I feel lied to.” Eddy Elfenbein
For a copy of the Trump-Ukraine Impeachment Inquiry Report, click here.
For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.
For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.
For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.
For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.
The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.
