Elections Are For Suckers

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 30, 2020

Breaking news: The US economy has suffered its biggest quarterly drop on record. The GDP fell by 32.9% in the 2nd quarter. More than 1.43 million people filed for unemployment benefits for the first time last week (which is more than the week before.) Trump has destroyed the American economy like he has all of his businesses.

To deflect from the news this morning he is suggesting that the November election be delayed. He tweeted: With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE & FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote???

His strategy of asserting that the election is rigged and killing off the post office to keep people from voting has now been officially replaced with not voting at all.

“Today: The worst economic report in American history, further evidence of the worst unemployment crisis in American history, and the president floating the illegal delay of the election and advancing his arguments for voter suppression. And it’s only 9 a.m.” — David Rothkopf

Get your absentee ballot TODAY and vote the minute you can.

Republicans won’t be saying much about their dictator president trying to stop a democratic election because it benefits them. They can’t win if they don’t cheat. Unemployment runs out tomorrow and they don’t care because freeloaders need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps. Mitch McConnell says there are 20 republicans who feel they have “added enough to the national debt.” Republicans created the national debt. They won’t care about the debt until Biden is president and then they’ll blame the Democrats.

America’s dumbest Congressman, Louie Gohmert, tested positive for the coronavirus before boarding Air Force One to accompany Trump to Texas for a campaign event paid for with taxpayer money. He thinks that he got it from being forced to wear a mask. He brought his staff into a small room to tell them. Staff whistleblowers have come forward to say that Gohmert has been requiring them NOT to wear masks to work. Now other staffers who work for Republicans are coming out to say the same thing.

While Trump was in Texas he said he’ll be sending the national guard into Portland if they don’t get control of their city. Then he took credit for saving the Portland suburbs from the hell of housing rules. “By the way, I just ended the rule on suburbs. You know, the suburbs. People fight all of their lives to get into the suburbs and have a beautiful home. There will be no more low-income housing forced into the suburbs so enjoy your life, ladies and gentlemen.” Then he claimed that the Democrats want to abolish religion. His makeup was extra thick and ridiculous, he was dragging his right foot and his right hand trembled but nobody dares say a word.

Earlier in the day he tweeted this segregationist tweet: I am happy to inform all of the people living their Suburban Lifestyle Dream that you will no longer be bothered or financially hurt by having low income housing built in your neighborhood… …Your housing prices will go up based on the market, and crime will go down. I have rescinded the Obama-Biden AFFH Rule. Enjoy!

Portland says the Secret Police are leaving and the federal government says they are not. Chad the Cad tweeted: As I told the Governor yesterday, federal law enforcement will remain in Portland until the violent activity toward our federal facilities ends. We are not removing any law enforcement while our facilities and law enforcement remain under attack.

They’re not under attack. They were never under attack. Some dumb ass sprayed graffiti and they called it an attack. The governor of Oregon says GET OUT and before you go clean up your mess, including the graffiti.

Trump is withdrawing troops from Germany to weaken Europe and please Putin but he won’t withdraw his troops from a liberal American city — “We’re not leaving until they secure their city. If they don’t secure their city soon, we have no choice — we’re gonna have to go in and clean it out.”

Congressman John Lewis will be laid to rest today. 3 presidents will attend. Obama will give the eulogy. Trump is not invited.

Los Angeles was awakened at 4 am by an earthquake this morning. Ronald Reagan is rolling over in his grave.

96 more days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.