Everybody is an Expert

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 27, 2021

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2 ISIS suicide bombers killed 13 American service members and wounded 15 more plus killed 79 Afghan civilians and wounded 150 others outside of the Kabul Airport. People are aghast. They’re shocked by the news and images they’re seeing on social media because they have been shielded by the mainstream media for the past 20 years. No images or news about the horrors of war. Since Afghanistan didn’t happen on TV it didn’t happen, right? Now people are just waking up to the news about Afghanistan and they are outraged. Violence. Chaos. Grief. Blood. Panic. Turn it off! Why can’t we just wrap it up in an hour with a few commercial breaks?

This is WAR.

“What the world is seeing now in Afghanistan is what the world chose to ignore for far too long. War is hell. It always has been. And it always will be. Its currency is death, dismemberment, desperation, and fear. It doesn’t end in parades. It ends in caskets.” — Dan Rather

President Biden gave a blunt, honest, somber speech to address the attack, express his condolences, update the public on the mission, reassure the country and world that they will complete their mission in spite of the attack, and let ISIS know that they’ll pay for what they did.

“The President who answered the media’s questions with sober analysis, grim determination and a heavy heart? A real president, an actual human, not a sociopath. Does that make me sound like a Biden apologist? I think not.” — Steven Beschloss

Republicans are predictably spinning the attack as an attack against Biden. Fallen service members be damned. The fault lies with Joe Biden. George W. Bush started this endless war with no exit plan, then Trump and Pompeo made some deal on their way out the door which resulted in the Afghan government leaving the country all at once, abandoning the Afghan people, which made way for the Taliban to move in swiftly and take over right away.

Biden had the guts and integrity to get out in spite of how Trump and Pompeo made it worse.

Armchair Fox News watching experts on everything from virology to foreign policy don’t approve. They know nothing about the complexities, dangers, and inevitable casualties that come with evacuating a war zone and they don’t give a shit about foreign policy but now all of a sudden they do and it’s all Joe Biden’s fault.

Veterans who watch Fox News know better but they’ve been watching Fox for so long they don’t know anything anymore.

They don’t know that Trump deliberately sabotaged the US’s obligation to protect the Afghans who helped the US during the war by getting them out safely at war’s end.

They don’t know that Mike Pompeo negotiated a full surrender with the Taliban, aided and abetted them and threw the Afghan allies under the bus but it’s all Joe Biden’s fault.

They don’t know that for months, Trump banned the Biden team from receiving any information on Afghanistan during the transition, then dumped it all on him but it’s all Joe Biden’s fault.

They don’t know that Afghanistan has always been at war and that the US involvement goes as far back as Reagan.

They don’t know George W. Bush invaded Afghanistan after 9/11 with no strategy or exit plan. Fox News has been wall to wall coverage of Afghanistan without ever mentioning George W. Bush or Donald Trump. Cheap shot recency bias — blame it all on Biden.

They don’t know that it was always going to end this way. Joe Biden knew. He knew he’d be blamed for everything, too.

President Biden takes the blame because that’s what real leaders do. He didn’t blame past presidents for the roles they played in this war or for dumping it all on him.

“Three presidents leave a 20-year-in-the-making flaming bag of poo on Biden’s doorstep and everyone is upset that Biden splattered shit all over the porch.” — P. Patrick Hogan

Fox News viewers have plenty to say about Afghanistan because they watch Fox News so therefore they are experts. If you ask them where they were during the formation they know they were watching Fox News but don’t remember how pro-war they were. They are unable to make the connection from when they were sucked in by extreme patriotism after 9/11 and pledging allegiance to the government, no questions asked, to now, 20 years later and still it’s no questions asked but not out of patriotism, but out of being dumbed down so much by Fox News they don’t care to ask. Doesn’t matter. It’s all Joe Biden’s fault.

It used to be that an expert was an asshole in their hometown. Now hometowns are filled with assholes because everybody watches Fox News.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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